nomadpete

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on the London Underground next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised." I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".

Now you are being coarse!

It makes me suspicious. TRump is totally transactional. He is happiest when he shafts others - that is his 'Art of the Deal'. Yes, Albo is probably relieved to have avoided a public bollocking by the old bloke.

Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome. One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before." The other Nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex." (Now, isn't this thread so much better for you than the political doom threads?)

The preacher asked his congregation, How many of you have forgiven your enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this time amost all responded, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones?" inquired the preacher, Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? "I don't have any," she replied smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-three," she replied. "Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you~please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived all the bitches."

Not-so-quickie.... A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl. After their honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage. After a few drinks, the billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 year old hottie. “It’s simple” billionaire boasts… “I faked my age!” “Yes, but even for a 40/45 year old guy she is sensational - what age did you tell you are?” A friend asks. With a smile on his lips billionaire responds, “85 years old.”

Quickie.... What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

Could be!

I would add, the good ole daze of low paid factory workers, protectionism that favoured the mega rich factory/railroad/oil families. Why did so many go to war ? Because it was a chance to get a regular income. After all USA was not risking its territory, it was only making money from selling arms. Post WW2 was their golden era but the eventual goal of free capitalism is always to demolish free enterprise, remove competition, and replace it with megarich monopolies. All done now. But no room for self sufficiency of the country, so long as the oligarcs can reside in their own entitled bubble. (Sorry, Wolfie is in me)

This says it all.... Trump has nil concern for anyone outside his close circle of family and devout followers.

GON. There is no way to bring back the good ole daze of USA. It's too late. Besides, neither TRump nor maga, nor the republicans can suddenly make USA productive. Their culture is not going to allow it. TRump is simply fast tracking their fade away from the global stage.

Evolution is still at work in USA....

Wait til they see the White House!

Random thought.....

Not sure if this is old news, or even true. But not unexpected. "the Brave New World. The sale of Dominian is but one part of that. One Republican Now Controls a Huge Chunk of US Election Infrastructure Former GOP operative Scott Leiendecker just bought Dominion Voting Systems, giving him ownership of voting systems used in 27 states. Election experts don't know what to think."

Well good for you. It might be *SPRING!* where you are. But it aint spring down here. We have been promised 2 & 3 degree mornings all this week. And not reaching 10 degrees even if the sun breaks through. Climate sure is changing!

The present crop of house batteries start at 5Kwh which would only run the average oven for half an hour. They are usually used to minimise peak period power biling (lowering household power bills). However, many people are buying up to 20Kwh batteries, which, when combined with a proper roof full of solar power (say 11Kw) of solar panels, can run an all electric home (with a little care). Present price for 11Kw of panels with a smart inverter is $9,000. Back when they went off grid, Mr & Mrs Octave would have loved prices like these.

I dug this one up from back in 2004. You can change the names but the message still applies today..... "President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to upset next, when his telephone rang... "Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada ey? I am callin' to tells ya dat weare officially declaring war on you ey!" "Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" George paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor." President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!" George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!