Phil Perry

Here's one I should have posted yesterday but couldn't get past security. . . [ATTACH]50377._xfImport[/ATTACH]

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Finally decided to have a go at the pistol range. Well excited I was. Didn't get to fire a single shot. I decided to sit it out this time. 3 hours later it shut . . . [ATTACH]50363._xfImport[/ATTACH]

Scottish soccer results are sometimes difficult to understand at first glance. . . Try saying this quickly after four beers. . . East Fife 4 Forfar 5

What's the difference between apathy and ignorance ? ? ? Don't know & don't care

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Greece has been a basket case for decades due to endemic corruption throughout it's government and public services. Their worst mistake has always been the fact that hardly anyone pays taxes, especially those who are moderately financially 'Comfortable' and certainly the rich.. The bottom limit for tax paying is always quoted by those owning yachts as beong a couple of Drachma / Euros below the limit and NO ONE ever checks. This was highlighted by a long time friend of mine, who lived and worked on the island of Rhodes for nearly nine years. He is / was a specialist ceramic tile fitter. . .( Everything in Greece is ceramic tiled ) He was self employed, used a Greek accountant and never paid a cent of tax for the whole time that he worked there, his wife worked in the public service, and she ( Apparently ) didn't earn enough to pay tax either ( ! ) They were shown by a Greek neighbour how to tap in to the electric supply cable in their back garden, so never paid an electricity bill either so had their Aircon for free. . . All in all, the Greeks are wholly and collectively responsible for the dire situation that they now in find themselves in, and why the Germans now own most of their airports and many other pieces of infrastructure. Not much sympathy for them from most other EU members.

I could not have said it better Jerry. A few things which seem to have been forgotten, or rather swept beneath the rug in this whole screamathon is that PM John Major prorogued parliament for a period of Six Weeks during his tenure, Wholly to prevent the publication of a damning report detailing MPs of All colours seriously fiddling their parliamentary expenses purely for self enrichment. this, on top of their lavish salaries as 'Rubber Stampers' of all and any EU diktat. Not a word was said about the suspension of democracy at the time. . .there was certainly no mention of this on any UK news print nor electronic media. Interestingly, around a year later; a law was quietly passed in order to preclude publishing of expenses, or the illegal swip swapping of their official and private homes claimed upon Members expenses. It ought to be remembered also that John Major when PM, signed the Maastricht treaty, which began the imprisonment of the UK into rule by the EU, without an act of parliament NOR a public plebiscite / referendum. PM Gordon Brown followed this up by signing the LISBON Treaty, this was the big doozy which ended the sovereignty of the UK, . . .signed in the dead of night with no parliamentary authority or referendum. Lisbon was the BIG one, tying the UK into every new wheeze that the unelected EU commission came up with. Lisbon contains small items like, accellerating economic and monetary union, which included adopting the Euro, plus the total control of ALL UK Armed forces further down the line. ( This part is about three quarter done already. . . ) No wonder he signed it on the quiet. and, in true Politician style, Brown batted away minor criticism saying that Lisbon was merely a 'Tidying Up' exercise. ! ! ! So thanks to PM Edward Heath, lying about what our joining the EEC ( common Market) really meant, (and admitting that he lied some years later ) John Major and Gordon Brown stitched up the rest of the underhand deals. Margaret Thatcher, when PM, would never have allowed any of this which is why they had to get rid of her.

I've noticed that you're becoming a lot more argumentative oblate. . .

Is it true that The only thing flat Earthers fear is sphere itself ?

Disgusting Vegetables #3947 [ATTACH]50355._xfImport[/ATTACH]

I'm a bit of a fatty as well,. . .but then my job isn't to keep the public safe on the streets of Britain. . . I realise that there is a shortage of police but. . .? Oh well,. . .maybe he's a hell of a nice guy. . .who knows. . . [ATTACH]50349._xfImport[/ATTACH]

A Native American Chief had three wives, all of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two storey teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

It's raining and cold, and the missus is out in it, So I have just rung her to say that I've run her some hot water and bubbles for when she gets in, I know, I know. . . I'm an old softy . . . [ATTACH]50343._xfImport[/ATTACH]

A strong contender for headline of the year. . . [ATTACH]50342._xfImport[/ATTACH]

Here's that Carling beer commercial I couldn't find following the dambusters one from months ago. . .

"We're going to have to switch off your wife's life support," said the doc, "she's in a vegan state." "Don't you mean vegetative?" I asked. "No, vegan," he replied, "if it was vegetative there'd at least be some hope."

I saw this bloke fall out of the church tower today. I thought it was the vicar at first. Then I realised. . . . it was just a dead ringer.

My most reliable car when in Australia was my VW Beetle. Had it 3 years, never went wrong. Worst ? ? The Ubiquitous Hillman Imp. There exists insufficient opprobrium on the planet to pile onto that $hyte can.

The 'Naming' thing was started by my two girly kids when they were tots Nev. . .. since then, they've named every vehicle we've owned. . . They even named my Gemini Flash 2 Weightshift 'Harry' . . . this puzzled me for a while. then they said 'FLASH HARRY' and collapsed into fits of girly giggles. . .( ? ) Where they got this innate Lunacy from. . .I have no idea.

Following on from my story about buying an El-Cheapo Banger for small Daughter, AND FINDING THAT she had bought a car herself the same day. . . ( Suzuki Splash) I had purchased a 'Trade In' 2010 Ford Fiesta Zetec. . .1.4 litre 16V DOHC car,. . only 6 years old. . .for £450 Quid. ( from a Friendly dealer person whom I had introduced to aviation some years back. . . and who is now a qualified pilot with his own Evektor Eurostar ) I've researched the service history on this thing. . it has 109K Miles on the frame, but had a 'Dealer replaced' Brand New Engine only 3K miles back. . .So I now have a Ford Fiesta Zetec, with a Virgin ( almost ) powerplant and it goes like $hit off a greasy shovel. ( Not that an old fart like me is going to race young bucks off the traffic lights. . .) The only two faults that I've found are that the Passenger side Mirror doesn't retract when the car is powered down. . .and that the front Fog lamps don't work.. . . . I've decided to keep it for my own use and dump the Vauxhall ( GM ) Astra estate. . .which is coming up to it's MOT in 2 months and has five advisories to it's name from the last permit to fly and is likely to fail. . .as it's a 2004 model. . . and I've bashed oit to bits to be fair. . Just thinking of calling it 'Black Betty' ( Bamba Lam ) . . .any other suggestions ? ?

( I really can't be Ar$ed paragraphing this facebook post. . . ED ) "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads..."

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle she was instantly attracted to him & during her questions to him about his life she aked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex" he replied.. Jane explained to him what it was. Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground. "Here." she said, pointing to her privates. "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What the bloody hell did you do that for?!" He replied, "Tarzan check for squirrel."

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