Phil Perry

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That was one of Mine from years go Peter,. . .I always thought that Vermontians were Plagiarists,. . .but it's funny so I'll let you off this time. . . [ATTACH]49644._xfImport[/ATTACH]

Russian guy queues all day at the butcher to buy meat for dinner. When he finally gets to the front the butcher pulls down the shutters, "no more meat". Fella goes into melt down, explains he has worked hard, supported the revolution, been a comrade all his lfe, but all to no avail. As he leaves a guy in a long coat comes out of the shadows. "comrade, comrade, stay calm, a few years ago and you know what would have happened to you" and then using his hand to imitate a gun, points it at the fella's head, cocks his thumb and says "BANG" . When he gets home his wife sees the empty shopping bag and exclaims "Have they run out of meat again ?" Worse than that, he says . . . . they've even run out of bullets now.

We in the UK just had to change our clocks from BST to GMT ( Last Sunday Morning at 0200 ) as we do every year. . .Tedious. . .I saw this and thought it was amusing for THREE reasons. . . [ATTACH]49639._xfImport[/ATTACH] HAHAHAHA. . an amusing concept except for : 1) The British Summertime Clock setting is One Hour Ahead of GMT,. . .so we had to move the clocks BACK an hour. 2) The stones have Bugger all to do with Siderial Time. . . or if they DO, I've never read anything about it in my life. . . 3) Those stones are located at Avebury, and NOT Stonehenge. . . .( *Giggle* )

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What sort of holiday does a terrorist go on? A suspicious package holiday.

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Got to be honest, I never thought that they would bother getting hitched either ! They've been together for ten years. so I guess the're well used to each other now. . .

Daughter and Partner have been together for a long time, saved an astonishing amount of money between them and used most of it to pay 30% of the total cost of a 2 storey 3 bed house as a deposit; leaving a relatively comfortable and affordable mortgage spread over 20 years. They're both grafters so we won't be surprised if they pay it off early. I know what you mean about Wedding Photographers too ! They have arranged a good deal though, where the Lady photographer will only be on site for around 2 hours. I don't know the exact figure they've negotiated, but they seem quite happy with it. There will be seven circular tables for the wedding meal, each seating ten persons. I had to giggle when I saw the seating plan though, instead of Numbering the tables, each one is named after a Cocktail ! There's an A0 colour printed poster which lists who sits where, and the tables have personalised place settings. I think that is to separate certain family members ( for some reason ! ) I'm trying not to think about our financial contribution to this lot. . . .

Sorry Pete. . . at my age, I only socialise with Grandads. . . . I doubt if I shall be feeling very 'Jocular' by Christmas time, as my Eldest Daughter ( the one born in Melbourne in October 1982 ) has Her Birthday tomorrow, ( Expense but not begrudged in any way ) Then on Halloween, it's Wifey's Birthday. . .( More expense and Thai meal at the most bloody expensive Thai restaurant I've ever found in the UK . . .but not begrudged in any way ) [ Honestly ] Then on November 4th, aforementioned eldest Daughter is getting Married. . .better late than never, ( Extreme expense, but not begrudged in any way ) I wonder,. . . Does it cost much these days to declare one's self Bankrupt ? ?

NASA spots mysterious near-perfect rectangle iceberg in Antarctic

One of the grandkids left a roll of bubblewrap in the front room last night. I asked the Mrs what she wanted to do with it. 'Just pop it in the corner' she said. That's 4 hrs of my life I won't get back.

I mistakenly bought a 500g bag of sultanas. When I took them back to the shop, they gave me a 250g bag of raisins. The currant exchange rate is terrible.

Damned if I'm trying on my new Corduroy strides in this place. . .! [ATTACH]49621._xfImport[/ATTACH]

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I went to a music shop and a man was putting blankets over all the electric guitars of a lower resonance. I said, what are you doing? He said, I’m just covering all basses.

Beautiful Lady . . .Beautiful piece of music.

Had a power cut & laptop TV & Playstation plus all amateur radio gear shut down immediately. So I had to talk to my family for a few hours. Seem like friendly people . . .

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(On a not dissimilar theme. . .) My boss said “Why is that every payday you come out in a rash?” “Because I’m allergic to peanuts” I said.

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of peanuts in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of peanuts and orders a beer. The bowl of peanuts then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the man says to the bartender "Hey, what the hell's going on ?, this bowl of peanuts keeps saying nice things to me!" Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the peanuts are complimentary."

Tail of mouse. Eye of cat. Head of newt and wing of bat. Tongue of toad. Ear of dog. Skin of snake and leg of frog. > > No..it's not a witches' potion, it's the reasons the council shut down our local kebab shop . .