Atheist knowledge

[nomadpete]

We are now the forth most popular religion. Watch out Catholics, you are next on our list.[ATTACH=full]49208[/ATTACH]

Darn! Just when I thought I was an athiest......

 

Today I did convert to pdf. Twice!

 

How long before someone passes a plate in front of me?

 

 

[Guest Nightmare1]

This is what I got when I tried.... All hail the almighty pdf

 

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[Bruce]

Well how do you define a religion anyway? Is it a bunch of stories? That wouldn't exclude pdf would it?

 

Is it a cause of war? A cause of peace? I still can't exclude pdf. Something to believe in? Well I believe in pdf I guess more than the other stuff.

 

 

[facthunter]

The worst thing about being an atheist is the Ba$tards get away with everything if there's no hell and damnation, fire and brimstone, though 70 ex virgins growing older, looking really bad and nagging you would sound like hell in heaven to me. Nev

 

 

[PA.]

A young doctor moved to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the younger one accompany hiim on his rounds to introduce him to the community.

 

At the first house the woman complains “ I’ve been a little sick and have a sore stomach”

 

The older doctor says “well you’ve obviously been over doing the fresh fruit Mrs Smith, cut back on the amount you are eating and we’ll see if that does the trick.”

 

As they left the younger doctor said, “that was brilliant, you didn’t actually examine her but you came up with that diagnosis so quickly”

 

“I didn’t have to” the old man said, “you noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor? When I bent over to pick it up I noticed half a dozen banana skins in the rubbish, its more than likely whats making her sick”

 

“That’s clever” said the young doctor, “I’m going to try that”.

 

Arriving at the next house they chatted with a much younger, more attractive woman, She said that she just didn't have the energy she normally did and she was feeling really run down lately.

 

The young doctor said “You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church, maybe cut back a bit and see if that helps”.

 

The old doctor was impressed and said, I know that woman well and she is very active in the church and the community but how did you arrive at that diagnosis”

 

“I did what you did Doctor”, he said “I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to pick it up I noticed the minister naked under the bed”.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

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[farri]

John, an atheist, was walking through the woods.

 

'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!' he thought, when suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

 

He turned to look ... and saw a 7ft grizzly bear charging towards him.

 

John cried out, 'Oh my God!'

 

Time stopped ... The bear froze ... The forest was silent ... A bright light shone upon the man, and a deep majestic voice came out of the sky ... 'John, I thought you didn't believe in me.'

 

John looked directly into the light ... 'I don't, and it would be hypocritical of me to start now ... but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?' ... A pause ... 'Very well,' said God.

 

The light went out ... The sounds of the forest resumed ... The bear brought both paws together ... Bowed his head, and said ... 'Lord, bless this food which I am about to eat. Amen.'

 

 

[bexrbetter]

You've heard of Luke:13, Mark:12 and Mathew:9.

 

Father McCarthy has been ordered by the Courts to stay away from them.

 

 

[Bruce]

When God woke Adam up, he said: " I'm very proud of you... just one little problem, but gosh in proportion to your size, you have by far the biggest brain and by far the biggest dick."

 

Adam says " wow that sounds good, what could be the problem with that?"

 

God says " I could only put in enough blood to work one at a time"

 

 

[bexrbetter]

by far the biggest dick."

God says " I could only put in enough blood to work one at a time"

I often pass out when I get an erection.

 

 

[Marty_d]

I often pass out when I get an erection.

Hmmm... gotta be careful making statements like that - it could mean that one end is very big, but it could also mean the other is very small...

 

 

[Bruce]

Gosh Bex, while I'm impressed with the size needed to do that, I wonder if you miss out on some fun on account of being passed out?

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Gosh Bex, while I'm impressed with the size needed to do that, I wonder if you miss out on some fun on account of being passed out?

My hands were tied. Wait, I mean, arr forget it.

 

 

[hihosland]

hands were tired perhaps?