CRICKET - for all the "Friends" who gave me a hard time. . . .

[Phil Perry]

NOW,. . . . .

 

I don't want to lose any valued Forum mates here,. . . but I have a long memory.

 

Some of you gave me a bloody hard time when Australia wiped us out in a bloody whitewash. . .so I just HAVE TO RESPOND,. . . . but in a measured way, . . .just to show how magnanimous Brits can actually be. . . NOW REMEMBER,. . .I HAVE HAD TO TAKE $HIT FROM BOTH ENDS OF THE WORLD, just because I am a dual national. . . . So I will restrict my humour to just TWO JOKES. . .OK ? ? ? ? ? AND THINK YOURSELVES BLOODY LUCKY. Because one newspaper has listed about fifty of them. . . . . ( Painful )

 

I also do this as I know that Cricket is a RELIGION in Australia,. . .when I heard last night just after midnight on the BBC WOrld Sevice, that all your newspapers, were totally bereft of any news . . . .other than. . . .the Cricket. OK, so Here we go. . . .

 

[ATTACH]47690._xfImport[/ATTACH]

 

FOR SALE. . . . . . CRICKET BATS,. . . . .HARDLY USED. . . . Contact Mr. Clarke. . . .c/o Australian Cricket Team, Trent Bridge, UK. . . . . ..Offers ? ? ? ?

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

No. 2 . . ."IMMIGRATION"

 

England is adopting the Australian "Cricket" Immigration policy. . . . . "All out in under four Hours"

 

That's it,. . .no more,. . . .

 

( No rubbing YOUR nose in it as you lot did to ME a while back. . . .! )

 

Better luck next time.

 

Kind regards, ( Tin hat . . .ON )

 

Phil

 

Any death threats, Aboriginal Death Sticks, or other comments to airside4me@gmail.com

 

XX

 

[dazza 38]

It's all good Phil, the Australian cricket team have been an absolute disgrace. Not just the last test match but the previous one when Clarke won the toss and for some stupid reason, decided to bat on a green wicket.

 

He is retiring after the next test, cant say I blame him. ( well more likely pushed).

 

 

[coljones]

Listen Phil,

 

Very few of us actually give a damn. The vast majority of us have better things to do - flying, drinking etc (but not flying and drinking)

 

There are probably only three groups of who listen to cricket

 

- politicians, because parliamentary broadcasts are even more boring

 

- farmers so that they know when lunch is on

 

& - babies because their mothers know that the naff commentary will keep the baby comatose - but it does cause the kid to crap its nappy

 

Cricket, it's your sport (you english) play it your way and have a ball.

 

If it's not hockey, handball or hurling I'm not really interested.

 

Keep well

 

 

[Geoff13]

It's Footy season over here

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Listen Phil,

Very few of us actually give a damn. The vast majority of us have better things to do - flying, drinking etc (but not flying and drinking)

 

There are probably only three groups of who listen to cricket

 

- politicians, because parliamentary broadcasts are even more boring

 

- farmers so that they know when lunch is on

 

& - babies because their mothers know that the naff commentary will keep the baby comatose - but it does cause the kid to crap its nappy

 

Cricket, it's your sport (you english) play it your way and have a ball.

 

If it's not hockey, handball or hurling I'm not really interested.

 

Keep well

 

As I said,. . . if you read it . . . .I wouldn't have mentioned it, since I really don't gove a FOXTROT about the game, as I have not been involved in it since I got the highest batsman score in the history of my secondary school, because I was, well,. . .just bloody good at it. I was at the top of the three until I left that school at the age of 15 to go to university. The university didn't want me on their cricket team, because they'd got a waiting list. . . .more fool them ! ! They could have had the best spin bowler since Freddie Trueman.

 

When I got banjaxed when the Aussies whitewashed the English team, some wags said, "Yeah.. . .right. . . . but I REALLY DO NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS WHO WON. . . . .

 

It is just a bloody game.

 

It gives hundreds of thousands of people a great load of pleasure, and some, regrettably, a great load of distress. . . .

 

But at the day's end,. . .I DO NOT GIVE A TOSS.. . .I'm really not concerned.

 

The post was a joke,. . .aimed at those who DO.

 

Please read what I said in my post.

 

Some people on here gave me a hard time.. . . . .Most Aussies ( including me . .. even though I'm only a Half Aussie ) always have to respond. THIS IS JUST A BIT OF FUN COL,. . . and not intended to annoy anybody mate. Let's just leave it at that. I have no intention of denigrating your national ability to be men of the world.

 

But one thing I've found, after living in Australia for nearly twelve years is that Aussies can put a serious load of $hit on everybody,. . .but they just CAN'T TAKE IT BACK . . .this appears to be against the rules.

 

So either take that post in the gentle way that it was intended, or. . . . . .

 

Either way,. . .no offence intended

 

• 
   
  

 

KInd regards,

 

Phil

 

 

[DGL Fox]

Well Phil... I just think like my wife and I when were there for a holiday, same as the Aussie cricket team didn't come over the play cricket they just come over for a holiday...didn't they...cricket what's that... I thought I saw them all on the beach in Poole the other day when we were there..

 

David

 

 

[Guest Captain1]

I reckon that Clarke should retire right now rather than go for another test. This year he has been getting about $100,000 per run and the captaincy should go to Smith NOW.

 

We would do well to purge the Aussie team of all the yuppy wankers with their designer stubble et al.

 

It is a disgrace that the Aussie Captain turns up at each test with a 3 day growth. Anyone would think he is getting ready to fight Sonny Liston or a game of Union against the All Blacks.

 

There is obviously big trouble within the team and they should sort it NOW, before the next test.

 

Apart from that I am very happy with our fine team.

 

The Poms deserve their wins so make the most of it Phil.

 

 

[Kiwi303]

If it's not hockey, handball or hurling I'm not really interested.

Hmm... Hurling, the real Aussie outback pub sport. Chug a slab of fosters and points to those with the best technicolor snakes at closing time! Winner gets the verandah hammock while the rest line the gutter. :D

 

 

[fly_tornado]

you might feel like a winner now Phil but when you wake up tomorrow you will still be in England and cricket will still be boring

 

 

[coljones]

As I said,. . . if you read it . . . .I wouldn't have mentioned it, since I really don't gove a FOXTROT about the game, as I have not been involved in it since I got the highest batsman score in the history of my secondary school, because I was, well,. . .just bloody good at it. I was at the top of the three until I left that school at the age of 15 to go to university. The university didn't want me on their cricket team, because they'd got a waiting list. . . .more fool them ! ! They could have had the best spin bowler since Freddie Trueman.

When I got banjaxed when the Aussies whitewashed the English team, some wags said, "Yeah.. . .right. . . . but I REALLY DO NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS WHO WON. . . . .

 

It is just a bloody game.

 

It gives hundreds of thousands of people a great load of pleasure, and some, regrettably, a great load of distress. . . .

 

But at the day's end,. . .I DO NOT GIVE A TOSS.. . .I'm really not concerned.

 

The post was a joke,. . .aimed at those who DO.

 

Please read what I said in my post.

 

Some people on here gave me a hard time.. . . . .Most Aussies ( including me . .. even though I'm only a Half Aussie ) always have to respond. THIS IS JUST A BIT OF FUN COL,. . . and not intended to annoy anybody mate. Let's just leave it at that. I have no intention of denigrating your national ability to be men of the world.

 

But one thing I've found, after living in Australia for nearly twelve years is that Aussies can put a serious load of $hit on everybody,. . .but they just CAN'T TAKE IT BACK . . .this appears to be against the rules.

 

So either take that post in the gentle way that it was intended, or. . . . . .

 

Either way,. . .no offence intended

 

• 
   
  

 

KInd regards,

 

Phil

No offence taken Phil and in the same for mine.

 

I was merely indicating that win or lose it is neither here or there to me and that we too, are laughing at our own expense.

 

I have more problems at home with my own family - my son have started following Rugby. I did my best to bring them up the right way, hockey, handball and hurling, but he has gone off and joined the heathen infidel.

 

Keep well, and if you have a bit of time perhaps we could meet up at Croke Park in Dublin on 6th September for the Hurling Grand Final and discuss the finer points of flying over a Guinness or Beamish or three. I will be heading back through UK to hand deliver some Oz stamps and coins to my cousin to add to his growing collection of ashes memorabilia from Australia. The recovery of the ashes will surely add to his joy.

 

Keep well,

 

Col

 

 

[Phil Perry]

No offence taken Phil and in the same for mine.

I was merely indicating that win or lose it is neither here or there to me and that we too, are laughing at our own expense.

 

I have more problems at home with my own family - my son have started following Rugby. I did my best to bring them up the right way, hockey, handball and hurling, but he has gone off and joined the heathen infidel.

 

Keep well, and if you have a bit of time perhaps we could meet up at Croke Park in Dublin on 6th September for the Hurling Grand Final and discuss the finer points of flying over a Guinness or Beamish or three. I will be heading back through UK to hand deliver some Oz stamps and coins to my cousin to add to his growing collection of ashes memorabilia from Australia. The recovery of the ashes will surely add to his joy.

 

Keep well,

 

Col

 

OK Col,. . . . I have to be totally honest here, I used to watch the cricket whilst I lived in Australia,. . .but after returning to UK in the early 80s the game got so damned boring that I stopped attending matches. . . . Why the ashes don't permanently reside somewhere in Austrlia is beyond me. . .since they are very rarely "Owned" by the Brits,. . .even most of our commentators can't believe thie luck. . . . So please take no notice of my post at all, wasn't even a good stir !

 

If your mate in the UK is anywhere near the midlands,.. come and see us at Otherton, providing you've got over the shock of paying around 13 Euros for a pint of Guinness in Dublin's fair city. . . A Euro is currently £0.71 here. . .) you'll be very welcome.

 

Phil

 

 

[Phil Perry]

you might feel like a winner now Phil but when you wake up tomorrow you will still be in England and cricket will still be boring

LOLZ. . . . I like it.

 

Actually you're Partially incorrect, I shall wake up in beautiful WALES tomorrow mate. and for the next few days too.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I reckon that Clarke should retire right now rather than go for another test. This year he has been getting about $100,000 per run and the captaincy should go to Smith NOW.

We would do well to purge the Aussie team of all the yuppy wankers with their designer stubble et al.

 

It is a disgrace that the Aussie Captain turns up at each test with a 3 day growth. Anyone would think he is getting ready to fight Sonny Liston or a game of Union against the All Blacks.

 

There is obviously big trouble within the team and they should sort it NOW, before the next test.

 

Apart from that I am very happy with our fine team.

 

The Poms deserve their wins so make the most of it Phil.

 

As I've already mentioned Capn. . . .I've been getting dozens of mails and blog comments from so called "Friends" Having a larf at my expense, just because I'm approximately a Half Aussie. . . . got a sore neck from the Sport addicts that I know. . . I actually had to look up the Australian captain's name, as I have not watched ANY of the TV coverage. . . ( I know. . . . $ad b------d )

 

( but I watch anything to do with aviation. . . to the chagrin of 'Er Indoors . . . )

 

Phil

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Listen Phil, The vast majority of us have better things to do - flying, drinking etc (but not flying and drinking)

Nothing wrong with Flying and Drinking Col,. . . .providing these activities are sequential, and carried out in the same order that you mentioned. . .

 

 

[coljones]

Nothing wrong with Flying and Drinking Col,. . . .providing these activities are sequential, and carried out in the same order that you mentioned. . .

 

 

[Kiwi303]

Nothing wrong with Flying AND Drinking at the same time so long as its a decent tipple and the first class service keeps it topped up as required.

 

Cattle class tho, it's pretty much vinegar.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Nothing wrong with Flying AND Drinking at the same time so long as its a decent tipple and the first class service keeps it topped up as required.

 

Cattle class tho, it's pretty much vinegar.

 

Came back from Dubai a couple of years back flying with Etihad, and got bumped up to first class, ( a "Company" I dealt with made an administrative stuff up during booking, but I didn't argue strangely enough. .) The food was unbelievably good ( for an airline ) and the champers was great and unlimited ! ! ( Hic)

 

One thing that I DID find curious was that ( as I've mentioned before on this site,.. . .I am an amateur wino Con'O Sir, [ Welsh / Irish heritage ] ) when I asked what champagne it was, the nice muslim [ I assume ] lady cabin attendant, ( who must have been a fashion model for her other job ) said that the airline got it from INDIA . . .?. . . . didn't know they made it there . . . Weird. . . .oh well, . . . I suppose, since they invented "Cobra" Lager there, sold in nearly all licensed Indian curry houses in the UK, I guess it's only a small step up.

 

I really giggle, watching virile young men loading up with pint after pint of lager at the airport prior to embarking, then watch them queueing cross legged in the aisles for the limited amount of toilets when the aircraft gets to cruising Alt, with 7- 8,000 ft ambient cabin pressure ! expanding bladder syndrome.

 

Mrs P and I only have "Short" drinkkies whilst waiting in the first class departure lounge. . . . .

 

 

[bexrbetter]

I don't get involved with sports that only require one ball.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Well,. . . .didn't the Jeeermans have a game called HITLER HOCKEY ? ? ? ?

 

 

[Kiwi303]

when I asked what champagne it was, the nice muslim [ I assume ] lady cabin attendant, ( who must have been a fashion model for her other job ) said that the airline got it from INDIA . . .?. . . . didn't know they made it there . . . Weird. . . .oh well, . . .

 

A lot of older wines in the Honorable East India Comany days didn't travel very well going up and down and side to side in barrels in the bowels of a ship. So there was a number of attempts to get vinyards growing so those wines that didn't travel well could be served without poisoning the guests. If I remember right most were up in the foothills, not as high as the summer pavilions of Simla and the hill stations, but up off the heat of the plains.

 

Thats probably the genesis of the wine they served you there.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

What a fount of knowledge this redoubtable Forum can be. . . . .

 

Most impressive.

 

Thanks Mr Kiwi Sir.