Silly Picture Thread.

[Phil Perry]

A common thief and accomplished liar, self confessed. Repent while there's time. Nev

Oh I repentized and no mistake Cobber. . . aged 11.75 yrs, I was caught 'gumball handed' by old Bob, the local copper. Who slapped me around the head and kicked me up the jacksie. . . Then he dragged me by the earlobe back home and Dad repeated the process whilst Mum made a cuppa for the Coppa. . . .

 

After which I was forced to 'Muck Out' out the pigsty for the corner shop gumball machine owner . . . . a salutary lesson indeed, ( but I STILL love bacon sarnies. . .)

 

One week later I was asked by the metalwork teacher, 'Have you cleaned out many pigsties this week young Perry ? ? ? ' Couldn't get away with anything back in them days. . . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Lot's of 'DUNKIRK' stories popping up since the release of the new Movie of that name. . .

 

 

 

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The old ship herself. . .I recently went to the Isle of Man TT races, and travelled on a much newer ferry bearing that name. . .

 

 

 

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Ooh Arr lad . . .fancy being rescued by a ship with it's own BAR . . .LUXURY ! ! !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Ere'. . . .this sounds a bit Suss to me. . .anyone wish to shoot it down with some 'Istorical narrative ? ? ?

 

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I have a 10 book leather bound,, illuminated and pictorial volume series called 'The Wild West' since my Father in Law was a fan of all things Western. . .I can't find any reference to the above in those stories, but there's a lot to go through. 'Six' guns were notoriously inaccurate at any range in the early days, especially the really old smoothbore types. . .

 

One snippet that I DID pick up was that 'Cowhands' or Cowboys. . .very rarely carried a gunbelt with pistols as they were a bit pointless on the trails. .for the above reasons but most of them carried a rifle of some sort, for shooting lame cattle ( or scaring off Rustlers ) etc.. . .

 

[old man emu]

I'm lead to believe that there have been more "Westerners" planted on Boot Hill since 1900, than were ever similarly disposed of from 1865 to 1899.

 

My old father's favourite movie man and beast pairing was Tom Mix 'n' Cement, his horse.

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

it's often been said that if all the cowboy movies were played end to end, they'd last longer than the era they portray...and include mobs more gunfights.

 

And another thing...is anyone left alive in Britain, or have they all been murdered? That's the impression I get from the numerous TV crime shows.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

it's often been said that if all the cowboy movies were played end to end, they'd last longer than the era they portray...and include mobs more gunfights.

And another thing...is anyone left alive in Britain, or have they all been murdered? That's the impression I get from the numerous TV crime shows.

I know what you mean. . .I happened to see one recently, can't recall the name of the show - about a village Vicar who is also an amateur detective. Apparently some poor sod gets murdered every week in his tiny village. . . .! If I lived there I'd be terrified to walk home from the pub at night . . .

 

 

[David2ayo]

I know what you mean. . .I happened to see one recently, can't recall the name of the show - about a village Vicar who is also an amateur detective. Apparently some poor sod gets murdered every week in his tiny village. . . .! If I lived there I'd be terrified to walk home from the pub at night . . .

Phil, PLEASE don't EVER move to Midsomer!

 

David

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Phil, PLEASE don't EVER move to Midsomer!David

I used to love vacations in Jersey ( Channel Islands ) as a kid,. . but after watching Bergerac,. . .I realised what an awfully dangerous place it was . . .

 

 

[old man emu]

Murder in the Cotswolds is the domain of Father Brown, and Agatha Raisin finds murder and mayhem around Evesham.

 

Escape to the Country? Not bloody likely. It's safer in Soho!

 

 

[Phil Perry]

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[Cosmick]

If I saw Angela Lansbury walk down the street I would turn around and walk away.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Ballarat is not safe either, Doctor Blake on TV solves a murder there every week, sometimes several murders.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

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[Marty_d]

At last... I have found my ecological niche...

 

 

[pmccarthy]

But is he white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

 

 

[Phil Perry]

But is he white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

I cannot answer that dear friend HOWEVER. . .Should you ever shave the fur from a Lion,. . .then shave the fur from a Tiger,. . .although the beasts appear totally IDENTICAL in physical shape, . . .the Tiger has stripes on it's flesh. . . . . .Dunno about Zebras,. . .I have to admit ( as I always do when I'm totally fecked for a 'Reasonably sounding' answer ) I I dunno if a Zeeebra has stripes on it's epidermis. . . . . .but a Somalian mate tells me that the meat tastes more or less EXACTLY the same as the horsemeat he ate in the migrant camp at Cailais, whilst waiting for a Truck to jump on to get to Britain. . . . Horsemeat is regularly served, undisguised in French Restaurants, and if prepared correctly, is most difficult to differentiate from Beef . . .Oh, sorryy, Boueff. . . .Although it is more palatable in pies and stew, after being 'Braised' for a long time. . .

 

Horsemeat is slightly more 'tough' in the form of steaks than Beef, but if it is smashed flat with a tenderizing hammer,. . .if you have not seen one of those, it has a face filled with conical spikes. . .you need a 30mm ( inchanaquarter) thick steak,. . .hammer it to buggery until it's around 3/4 inch thick,. . .( 18 and a bit millimetres ) and then cook it as you would beefsteak. . . .it is very difficult for the untrained palate to discern the subtle difference between this and genuine Beef steaks. . .

 

ME,. . .however,. . .being a carnivorous comestible connoisseur, as well as a 'Half Trained' Chef,. . . can immediately taste the difference as there is a very very tiny, 'Metallic' taste to the Gee Gee meat, which is not present in genuine Beef. . . no matter if it is served Rare, Medium or well done. . . .( HInt : the Frogs don't 'DO' 'Well Done' in their restaurants, . . their idea of WD is only half as much blood on your plate. . . . and if you had the temerity to actually Order it cooked in the aforesaid manner,. . the Garcon would look down his nose at you and treat you with the faux disdain that the barstard warnkers only reserve for the 'Rosbifs'. . .ie,. . us Pommies. ) They have STILL not forgiven us ( and the Aussies, and the Canadians, and the Indans. . and the Yanks ) for saving them from utter destruction in 2 world wars you see. . . . . .well we had to Dinwe ?. . .they have been Soooo utterly useless for several hundred years. . .

 

So there.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

WHY THE BRITISH POLICE ARE TOLD NOT TO RUN AFTER MISCREANTS ANYMORE. . . .

 

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BUNCH OF FECKING LARDARSES. . .

 

AND THESE PEOPLE ARE THE 'REAL DEAL' COPPERS. . .NOT THE 'COMMUNITY COPS' WHO ARE UNTRAINED, UNPAID VOLUNTEERS. . . WHO ARE TO SCARED TO GO INTO A 1 METRE DEEP LAKE TO RESCUE A DROWNING KID,, AS THEY THINK IT MIGHT BE FECKING DANGEROUS. . . .

 

the world has gorn bloody mad. . . . Mr Robert Peel and Dixon of Dock Green would be rightly turning in their respective graves. . . .

 

England is Fooked.

 

[Phil Perry]

Mr. Perry, being the connoisseur of fine food that you undoubtedly are, you will appreciate this. My daughter is very partial to mushrooms. She would have them with ice cream, I'm sure. The other day there was a story on TV about someone making snail paté, which they put on cracker biscuits and gave to people to sample. That was enough to turn her stomach, but she was shocked when the samplers said it tasted like mushroom.

My Eldest Daugther ( I call her BIG Daughter BTW. . .) has a SEVERE mushroom allergy. . . ODD, as I like Mushies in anything. . and so does her younger sibling. . ..well,. . .maybe not in ice cream, but you get my drift. . . . I used to land at an RAF base called 'Chetwynd' which was used to train Herc pilots to land on grass. . . (it was closed to RAF use on weekends), and collect HUGE mushies and stuff them under the seat of my trike for later use in my Chefspace. . .these bloody things were at least 12 inches in diameter,. . .now, before you poor fools were forcibly converted to French measurements, this used to mean around 30 centisomethings. . . .They were so large that they looked like runway markers from 2,000 feet up. . . Many of these huge things were used in various meals produced by my kitchen. . . .( not in Ice cream recipes again I say . . . ) I made Pizzas, Soups,. .Stews, .and various curries using these bountiful plants until the RAF told us that we would be prosecuted if we ever landed there again. . . . bloody stupid neighbours complaining about the noise, and none of them lived closer than a mile. . . .A$$holes. .. I reckon. . .

 

Ruining a perfect source of giant cooking mushrooms ought to be a capital offence in my view.

 

I sincerely regret the demise of the 'FORMATION FUNGUS FLIGHT.' . . . . .

 

the GREAT FACELESS 'THEY' always seem to find a rule against anything which is remotely useful and/or FUN . . . . .however harmless it may be. . .

 

 

[Marty_d]

Have you ever tried snail?

I wanted to once, but it took too long to get to the table.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Made fried mushies for breakfast a few years back but I picked yellow-staining mushies which are poisonous. Went for a ride on the R65 and was about 50km from home when my wife at home started throwing up, and I felt a bit off colour and couldn't eat my meat pie for lunch. She rang poison information and they told her to grin and bear it. She couldn't eat mushies for about five years after. She quite unfairly blamed me for picking the wrong mushies, they looked big and clean and tasty and were growing all over the dam bank. I went to the effort of picking and cooking them after all. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

When I was a kid (up to age 7), we lived on a farm and I've seen those large mushies - fill a dinner plate. Have you ever tried snail?

Not snails,. . .just can't force myself to try. . . BUT I DO like frog's legs. . .they taste very similar to Chicken. . .Only the rear ones though, otherwise they would be Frog's arms I guess. . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I wanted to once, but it took too long to get to the table.

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[Phil Perry]

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I wonder if the bloke was a crap shot ? ? ( Must have been triggered. . .)

 

I won't mention the lady and the bazooka story . . . . .

 

[Phil Perry]

From the popular 'You had ONE JOB' series. . . .

 

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[Phil Perry]

For all you Pussy lovers. . . .

 

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