kgwilson Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 MERRY CHRISTMAS Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: November 1, 2015 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: November 2, 2015 RE: Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: November 3, 2015 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name... I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: November 4, 2015 RE: Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees DATE: November 5, 2015 RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!!! Company Memo FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: November 6, 2015 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Whatever! Joan
nomadpete Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 And here we all are, now trapped in our Brave New (politically correct) World. The last corporate Xmas party I attended, had been renamed the "Staff Recognition Party" , for all the above reasons. Bah Humbug!
Marty_d Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I've worked for the same organisation since I was 16, and christmas lunches have certainly changed a bit in that time. On one occasion a young mate of mine was dressed as Santa and he had all the women come up and sit on his lap to get their gifts (half of which were bought from the local adult store). All, that is, except for the most attractive one... when it was her turn he threw himself on the floor, face up, and cried out "Come and sit on Santa's face and get your present!!" There were also the cases of people being caught shagging in the lifts (with other peoples spouses), ladies (loosely speaking) perching on the photocopiers, and of course the rivers of booze and clouds of cigar smoke under the air conditioning ducts so they didn't set off the smoke detectors. Ahh, the '80's!
spacesailor Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Christmass lunch !. We alway had Christmass "Dinner". spacesailor
Jerry_Atrick Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 I've worked for the same organisation since I was 16, and christmas lunches have certainly changed a bit in that time. On one occasion a young mate of mine was dressed as Santa and he had all the women come up and sit on his lap to get their gifts (half of which were bought from the local adult store). All, that is, except for the most attractive one... when it was her turn he threw himself on the floor, face up, and cried out "Come and sit on Santa's face and get your present!!" There were also the cases of people being caught shagging in the lifts (with other peoples spouses), ladies (loosely speaking) perching on the photocopiers, and of course the rivers of booze and clouds of cigar smoke under the air conditioning ducts so they didn't set off the smoke detectors. Ahh, the '80's! I commenced work life in the mid-80s.... and ne'er experienced that sort of ritual - obviously wrong profession!
facthunter Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Now I know why Tasmanians smile a lot. I always suspected that something funny was happening. Nev
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