Indignity/dignity

[gareth lacey]

I write this after spending 2 of the worst days of my life sitting by my 89 year old mothers bed in the nursing home ,taking her last breaths,her weight is down to 28kgs she is all skin and bone ,comatose,cannot see, cannot feel,cannot hear,on 2 hourly morphine(which while giving pain relief) also keeping her going,there is no dignity in the way we as a supposidely humane society only indignity,she has been like this for 6 days ,I am waiting for a call from my sisters who are with my mother in Bunderberg to say she has passed,I say this to all the Right to lifers,godbotherers,anti eathenasia greens,liberal/labor leftards HOW dare you treat my mother and all the other aged and sick folks like this YOU ARE ALL VILE CRAVEN COWARDS

 

It is horrible and disgusting the way they are treated in the last days,I have nothing but praise for the nursing and caring staff they do a wonderful job under trying conditions, their hands are tied,my mother(MAM) would not have wanted her children to see her like this.

 

To all you right to lifers, god botherers,leftards politicians a pox on you for being such unfeeling people,and I hope when your time comes you get more Dignity than my Mother

 

 

[old man emu]

Try prolonging the life of a dog, cat or horse when the possibility of a return to a normal life has gone and see how long it is before your are charged with cruelty to animals.

 

Gareth, I feel so sorry for you and your sisters' pain.

 

 

[facthunter]

I didn't think the left were big inopposing dying with Dignity. I've always felt you wouldn't let it happen to a Dog. IF you have a pacemaker it just keeps stopping you passing away. I've seen all this Gareth.. People should be able to decide the manner of "their" final hours, but not other people's Nev..

 

 

[gareth lacey]

Here we are 24 hrs later and my mams heart just keeps going, but her breathing is now very shallow, but now has constant "meds" for the pain relief, I watched on as the carers turned her and she grimaced with the pain, as you say we would,nt let an animal suffer like this

 

 

[Jerry_Atrick]

Feel for you and your sisters. Gareth. Can only echo what OME and FH have said.

 

 

[Bruce]

Completely agree with you gareth. My parents both suffered long drawn out suffering and I hate those smug religious frauds who make this happen. As OME says, you would be prosecuted for treating an animal in this way.

 

I know this for a fact, my old lecturer George Karolyi was prosecuted by the RSPCA for NOT putting a suffering dog down. Now George in his prime, had been an animal-rights activist and he didn't stint on vet care, but the prosecution was right in my opinion, even though I suspect there was a measure of revenge in the decision to prosecute.

 

Anyway, hang in there and know that you are not the first to suffer like this and we think you are right to complain.

 

 

[gareth lacey]

Thanks guys for your comments,my mother passed at 8.15 this evening RIP

 

 

[Jerry_Atrick]

Sincere condolences to you and your family.

 

 

[Marty_d]

Sorry for your loss Gareth and the suffering both your mother and your family went through.

 

 

[nomadpete]

After the sadness of her suffering, it gives a deeper meaning to the words "rest in peace".

 

 

[Yenn]

Don't blame the god botherers. There are not enough of them to matter, it is just the lack of compassion of the whole community. We could make the politicians change the laws if we really got stuck into it.

 

 

[Bruce]

Wish you were right Yenn. But according to a survey, the members of parliament are way more religious than the general public. There must be some reason for this.

 

Once when Tony Abbott was on the defense about being almost a monk, he pointed out that Rudd was much more religious than he was. It is because of Rudd's religion that we have accepted thousands of Sudanese refugees. And continued to ban voluntary euthanasia for his time in office.

 

They make me feel sick, because the likes of Rudd and Abbott will get the best in palliative care and live in suburbs far away from where they put the refugees.

 

 

[Geoff13]

Sorry for your loss Gareth.

 

Everyone should be allowed to go with dignity.

 

Surely if a concerted effort by a minority can get gay marriage through then we should as a nation be able to get something as humane as dying with dignity through.

 

 

[old man emu]

How come it's OK to turn off life support equipment and let a person slip away, but it's not OK to assist a person, diagnosed by qualified medical practitioners as terminally ill, to hasten their passing?

 

 

[old man emu]

Thanks, Gareth. All I can say is that you remember to good things she did in life, and be thankful for the life she gave you.

 

 

[gareth lacey]

Thanks everyone again, she was the glue that held the family together ,sadly that has now changed ,we have just found out that 2 of my sisters have used up most of her money that she had,amongst other things ,so 4 of us have to go through more stress when the police get involved, how does a woman in dementia get a $5000 credit card while she is in care ? and where has the money gone, the bank has a lot to answer for ,I don't hold much hope of recovering the monies ,not that we wanted it ,but it goes to show that some people cannot be trusted,we had enough to pay her funeral expenses that was in a safe that they couldn't open,( but I am good with a grinder) and we got all her jewellery which we have gifted to my mothers great grandkids(girls) we have also had a seat with a plaque for her by the council installed in Elliot Heads.She will always be there in spirit and we all thank her for our life.

 

Thanks again guys

 

gareth

 

 

[old man emu]

Please post a picture of her memorial seat at Elliot Heads.

 

 

[willedoo]

You have my deepest sympathies, Gareth. I know well the heartache and stress involved when this happens. When the glue goes, things often come unstuck. My dad was the glue that held our extended family together. I moved in with him and became his full time carer for three and a half years until he passed. After all that time and effort and a personal cost of over $400,000 in foregone wages and life savings, I was told to pack my bags and f off after he passed away.

 

Having said that, I wouldn't do it any different if the choice had to be made again. I had the honour of being able to spend those important years with him and they can't take that away from me. It's the memories that are the lasting thing.

 

 

[gareth lacey]

You can choose your friends but not your siblings/family, I had a good relationship with my sisters,now they cannot see what they have done wrong and are blaming everyone but themselves, meanwhile have put a hold on mothers bank a/c still some funds there ,they tried to use my mothers atm card but forgot the password/no that's how we came to know about the fraud,so due process by the police meanwhile the order has gone in to council for the seat ,will post pic when it is installed about 3 months they say, and Willedoo stand tall YOU did the right thing by your dad that's what matters,dont let the bxxstards get you down as they who have done the wrong thing will not have the memories you have

 

Cheers and thanks again. Gareth

 

 

[nomadpete]

Willie, Gareth, I feel your pain/disgust.

 

Families unfortunately can seem to be good people until there's money involved. I was quite surprised when one of my own offspring drew down a very large sum of money from her own mother's account, causing mother to put her house on the market to repay the bank.

 

I know, most people are honorable but it sure hurts when the odd ones out do unconscionable things to their own family.

 

 

[willedoo]

One thing about money is that we can't take it with us. When these family things finally sort out, there's often a bit of irony in it all.

 

I'm not so sure about the saying that time heals all wounds, but eventually some do heal. Three years on from my experience with all that, I'm really glad that my relationship with two older siblings is well on the road to recovery. As for the other, as Meatloaf said, two out of three ain't bad.

 

The thing I miss is the continuity of history. My dad lived in the house he was born in 93 years ago. My Great Grandfather built it in 1896 and it hardly changed over all those years. It was like a museum of family history. Generations of family were born, lived, and died in that house. It was a typical Queensland colonial era farmhouse, verandahs on three sides, bay windows, four bedroom with the standard hallway and lots of brick chimneys.

 

With every past generation, furnishings, paintings on the wall, paperwork and documents in the office all stayed there. My Great Uncle served in the 5th.Lighthorse Regiment in WW1, and as a lifelong bachelor, lived all his life there with his father, then with his brother and sister in law. When I left three years ago, all his WW1 gear was still there including medals, kitbag, Turkish souvenirs of war and over 400 photographs he brought back, half of them he took himself. Peter, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I sent you a copy of them and also to Geoff C. (Siznaudin) as well, with the intention of their preservation and continuity.

 

The author, Arthur Hoey Davis (Steele Rudd) who wrote the Dad and Dave series of books, lived not far away and was a regular visitor in the old days. A couple of chapters in his books were based on events that happened many years ago at my dad's place. It was one of those places where time stood still. When I visited over the years, I would drive up the driveway knowing nothing had changed. There'd be the smoke wisping out of the chimney, the big old Moreton Bay fig tree spreading over most of the roof. It was a giant of a tree. In the very early 1900's, my grandmother drove the sulky down the road to visit her family and on leaving broke a branch off their fig tree to use to coax the horse with a whack the on the backside on the return trip ( sorry R.S.P.C.A.). They planted that branch and today it has a girth of at least 15 or 20 feet.

 

That's the thing I miss - the history. I'll never go there again as I really want to preserve those valued memories. Today, the place is being seriously depleted of that history and converted into a modern style house to let out as a farmstay. A great plan, rip out the cedar double hung windows, throw them in the dump and install really nice aluminium ones. Anything old, chuck it in the dump. The rest of the extended family will be eventually allowed back there if they place a booking.

 

When someone said relatives are compulsory friends, maybe there's some truth in it.

 

The saving grace is that it's only stuff, and our memories, pride, and hopefully integrity, is what's important. For others having similar experiences, I hope it all works out in the end. It gets a lot easier after a couple of years.

 

 

[willedoo]

Willie, Gareth, I feel your pain/disgust.Families unfortunately can seem to be good people until there's money involved. I was quite surprised when one of my own offspring drew down a very large sum of money from her own mother's account, causing mother to put her house on the market to repay the bank.

 

I know, most people are honorable but it sure hurts when the odd ones out do unconscionable things to their own family.

Very sorry to hear that, nomadpete. Siblings are one thing, but that's so direct, it's hard to imagine the feelings involved with that. That would have been hard.

 

 

[nomadpete]

It's all part of the learning curve. Ironically, my ex wife always said that blood was thicker than water, then that happened to her. It happened after we parted. I never found out how she coped with that. As you well know, some things are hard to forgive.

 

 

[willedoo]

Thanks Peter. I remember at the time sending a couple of copies out; the idea being that historical photos have more chance of survival if they're shared in digital format. Worse comes to worse, there will always be copies somewhere in that case. I've still got your address somewhere, so can burn another disc and send it down if you like. They're interesting photos, all in the holy lands - Gaza, Palestine, Syria etc.. There might even be some around Beersheba, but I haven't been able to identify them as yet. I'm not sure if my Great Uncle took any photos there as they were quite busy at the time, going by his diary and letters home. Worth a look anyway.

 

Cheers, Willie.

 

 

[willedoo]

OK. If your sent them on a CD I'll have them in a box somewhere (hopefully). I couldn't remember if you attached hem to an email. I can attach the before and after of the one I have on this thread if that's OK with you. Some folks might be interested in the result I achieved.

That's ok by me, Peter, as long as Gareth as the OP doesn't mind the thread drift. Otherwise you could start a new thread.

 

I've got one somewhere that I spent a lot of time with the clone tool to restore. Unfortunately a lot of photos had silverfish damage over the years from not being stored in a sealed container. The ones I sent would have been burnt to a dvd, about 475mb in total.

 

Cheers, Willie.