Can't find the 'Quickies' thread. . .no wonder I got lost so often flying in OZ. . .

[Phil Perry]

A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets

 

a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts

 

grinning from ear to ear, then when he disconnects he shouts to the

 

barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.

 

The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd

 

around keen to know what they are celebrating.

 

"Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland

 

baby boy weighing 25 pounds".

 

Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but

 

the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland .

 

Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."

 

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations

 

of "STREWTH" and "BLOODY HELL!" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.

 

Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the same bar. The barman

 

says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed

 

25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about

 

how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much

 

does he weigh now?"

 

The proud father answers: "17 pounds."

 

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed

 

25 pounds the day he was born!"

 

The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold

 

beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly

 

says,

 

"We had him circumcised!"

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Aaaaaand another one. . .

 

A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.

 

The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"

 

He replies "Yes, caffeine."

 

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

 

"Yes, I was in the army" he says. "I was in Iraq for two tours."

 

The interviewer says "That'll give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks "Are you disabled in any way?"

 

The guy says "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was over there, and I lost both of my testicles".

 

The interviewer grimaces, and then says "OK. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

 

The bloke is puzzled and asks "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment, y'know."

 

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job." the interviewer says:

 

"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bollox - and from what you've told me, . . . . there's not a lot of point in you coming in for that!"

 

 

[red750]

Phil, Quickies appears to be a victim of my comment on a spam thread which had me temporarily banned and all my input deleted. My humble apologies to one and all. Fortunately, Guess This Aircraft was on the other forum.

 

 

[nomadpete]

We forgive you Peter.

 

We count in you to bring us the best of the campfire funnies.