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Posted

A couple were involved in a car accident and the car caught fire. The husband was badly burned and his face disfigured.The plastic surgeon could not find any suitable skin on him for a skin graft.

 

His wife asked if she could donate some skin and a test confirmed it was compatible. The most suitable skin was from her buttocks because it was soft and smooth, and any scarring would be covered.

 

After the operation, he met his friends and colleages to reveal his new face. Everyone was complemenary and commented how good his new skin looked. He thanked his wife and asked how he could repay her. She aid "You don't owe me anything. Just watching your mother kiss your cheek is payment enough."

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Posted

A dad joke from Facebook:

 

I taught the kids about democracy last night. I had them vote on what movie to watch, and what pizza to order. Then I chose the movie and the pizza. I'm the one who had the money.

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Posted

Him:  Why are you back from golf so soon?

Her: I got stung by a bee.

Him: Where?

Her: Between the first and second holes.

Him: Your stance is too wide.

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Posted

A young woman attended her late husband's grave every week, kneeling and placing flowers on it. When she was done, she stood, bowed and backed away from the grave.

 

A young man observed this, and said, "I admire your respect for your husband. May I ask why you back away from the grave?"

 

She replied, "He once said I had a backside that could raise the dead, and I don't want to take any chances."

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Posted
26 minutes ago, facthunter said:

An Ashtray on a  Drag bike. Some pilots make good money. Nev

A rare admission, Nev.

 

Thanks.

 

Can you stump up a fifty until payday?

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Posted

I never did make the big money. but the tax rate was 67% with very few deductions. My Plumber son reckoned I had a crook job. A couple of blokes building my first house reckoned I'd have to be rich till I showed them my wages slips. They offered me a job doing framing on my days off saying THEY couldn't live on what I was getting.. .   Nev

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Posted
1 hour ago, facthunter said:

Some pilots make good money.

I think the comment was referring to recreational pilots.

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Posted

Just had to look ' Emirates Airlines ' up .

That my nephews airlines name .

I just couldn't tie the company to a country.

United Arab Amirates country .

spacesailor

 

Posted

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me that she was after a good rodger.

 

It was only after my pants were around my ankles that I realised she meant someone to share the rent.

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Posted

A husband says to his wife, "The boys at the club say that our postman has slept with every woman in the street except one."

 

The wife says, "I'll bet it was Paula."

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Posted

From "Dad Joke Reels"

 

I told my wife, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat, you're much bigger than that."

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