Quickies part 2

[red750]

Today I started a 28 day no swearing challengewhich will restart tomorrow.

[red750]

How do you know if someone is vegan?

 

They'll tell you.

[old man emu]

Imagine meeting a vegan jet pilot!

[spacesailor]

My nephew's a " jet pilot " but not a  virgin .

He fly's for Emirates. 

spacesailor

 

[Marty_d]

2 hours ago, spacesailor said:

My nephew's a " jet pilot " but not a  virgin .

 

How could he be?? 🤣

[red750]

When you get old, three things happen.

 

1. You start to lose your memory.

 

2. ...

 

I can't remember the other two.

[red750]

Cosmetic surgery used to be a taboo subject.

 

Now when someone mentions Botox, no-one raises an eyebrow.

[spacesailor]

the same with the ,

Cesaream section .

Now it's a normal birth .

spacesailor

[red750]

[facthunter]

Didn't they (briefly) put ejector seats in Helicopters?  Nev

[facthunter]

They ended up a few pilots short. Nev

[Marty_d]

It's ok as long as the explosive bolts on the rotor hub work.

[facthunter]

 They are JESUS bolts. "Short" Brothers ( & Harland) Built Aeroplanes.   Nev

[old man emu]

I didn't realise that the Jesus bolt was an actual thing. I thought it was simply a general term for something that if it failed, Jesus Christ!

[facthunter]

Primary part of a structure that has NO structural redundancy. EVERYTHING depends on it..   Nev

[facthunter]

Critical should also appear.  Nev

[red750]

The Garbo ... Leonie Parker ©
Stanley was a garbo and he reckoned life was grouse,
checking out the rubbish bins while driving house to house.
Stanley said you’d not believe the stuff that folk threw out.
Clothes he wore to church on Sunday he’d found strewn about.

He found tennis racquets and a brand new pair of shoes,
wheels to fit his rusty ute, a half drunk case of booze,
garden tools and ornaments, plant cuttings by the score,
board games, books and bicycles and many many more.

Stanley kept all manner of the treasures that he found,
took his bounty home with him and placed it all around.
Stanley really loved his job, could not believe his luck,
thought he’d hit the jackpot with his Council garbage truck.

Stanley’s wife, long suffering, would shake her head and smile,
looking on with fondness while he added to the pile.
When her friends would criticize she’d simply say that Stan
could have done much worse. He could have been the dunny man.

[red750]

Tried reading the dictionary in bed. Didn't finish it.

 

Got up to P.

[facthunter]

PB4.  Nev

[red750]

I went to the hospital after a peekaboo accident.

 

They put me in the ICU.

[old man emu]

Who bought Red a book of Dad Jokes?

[facthunter]

A new Light was put in the School toilet by the P&C Association. Nev

[red750]

2 hours ago, old man emu said:

Who bought Red a book of Dad Jokes?

Facebook has hundreds of short video clips - 2 or 3 guys sitting on a dock, drinling coffee, and telling Gad jokes.

 

https://www.facebook.com/coachsaysjokes

[nomadpete]

2 hours ago, red750 said:

- 2 or 3 guys sitting on a dock, drinling coffee, and telling Gad jokes

I think Red means 'bad jokes'

[red750]

That's what happens when you try to type in the dark.