Quickies part 2

[spacesailor]

they , are to hold onto ! , When those ' auto doors ' hit you .  LoL

spacesailor

[facthunter]

Just in case.  Nev

[red750]

A woman goes to a tattoo parlour and has "Merry Christmas" tattooed on one upper inside leg, and "Happy New Year" on the other upper inside leg.

 

As  she was about to leave, the tattooist asked why those greetings tattooed there?

 

The woman said, "My husband always complains there's nothing to eat between Christmas and New Year."

[red750]

[facthunter]

 And then the Māori eats the Aussie. HA Haka yeah I know it's in bad taste. Nev

[red750]

A young couple get married. After the reception, they go to their room for the night. The bride goes to the bathroom, showers, and comes out in a beautiful dressing gown.

 

The groom says, "Darling, we are married now. You can open the gown."

 

She opens the gown and he says, "You look amazing. Let me take a photo."

 

"A photo," says the bride. "Why do you want to take a photo."

 

"So I can carry it next to my heart for all time."

 

"OK" she says. He takes the photo, then goes to the bathroom. After taking a shower, he comes out in a dressing gown.

 

She says, "We're married now, you don't need a gown."

 

So he drops the gown and she looks surprised.

 

"Oh," she says. "let me take a photo."

 

"Why do  you want a photo?" he asks.

 

"To get it enlarged."

[red750]

A guy goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled.

 

The female nurse goes to give him a painkilling needle.

 

The guy says, "No. no needle. I hate needles."

 

So she goes to dive him gas.

 

"No gas," he says."I get claustrophobic with the mask/"

 

The dentist says, "How about tablets?"

 

He replies, "Tablets are fine."

 

She says, "Here, take trhis viagra."

 

He says, "I didn't know viagra killed pain."

 

She says, "It doesn't, but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull the tooth."

 

[facthunter]

She's lying. It's so you bleed less. Nev

[onetrack]

Paddy and Mick go to Rome on holiday.

They go into a bar and Paddy asks the barman, "Two pints of Guinness please!".

The barman says, "Sir, what is Guinness? We don't serve Guinness in Eetaly. Why don't you drink what the Pope drinks?".

"What does the Pope drink, then?" asks Paddy.

"Campari", says the barman. "Campari is a national drink!"

"O.K.", says Paddy, "Give me two pints of Campari!".

So the barman, with a quizzical look, serves up two pints of Campari.

 

Paddy and Mick down the two pints rapidly, and they stagger back at the alcoholic hit, but ask for refills.

 

The Barman obliges, and the next two pints are downed with rapidity by Paddy and Mick, and they start to reel around.

 

Paddy asks the barman in a slurred voice, "Are you shure this is what the Pope drinks?"

"I'm positive that's what he drinks", says the barman.

Paddy then turns to Mick, and says, "Well, it all makes sense now! - It's no bloody wonder they're always carrying him about in a chair!!'

 

[facthunter]

C'mon Car tolics wouldn't say anytink bad about Il Papa. Nev

[red750]

[red750]

A woman gives birth to a healthy baby. She and her husband are delighted and thank the doctor,

 

The husband takes the doctor aside, and says, "How soon can we have sex?"

 

The doctor says, "I knock off in 10 minutes. Meet you in the carpark."

[red750]