Quickies part 2

[Jerry_Atrick]

I read that one on the train and embarrassed myself with spontaneous laughter 

[red750]

A guy goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I have an unusual problem. My penis is 25 cm long. Can you reduce it a bit?"

 

The doctor says, "Sorry, I can't help you, but I can direct you to a magic frog. If you get the frog to say No, he will shorten your penisby 5 cm." He gives the guy directions to the frog.

 

The guy finds the frog and asks, "Frog, will you marry me?"

 

The frog says "No", and voila, 5 cm disappears from the guys penis. The guy is delighted, but thinks it is still a bit long. Again he says "Frog will you marry me?"

 

Again the frog says "No", and bingo, another 5 cm disappears.

 

The guy goes home feeling happy, but after a few days, he things another five centimetres off would be more comfortable. He goes back to the frog, and again asks, "Frog, will you marry me?"

 

The frog says, "How many times do I have to tell you?  No! No! No!"

[old man emu]

Seen it elsewhere!!!!!

[old man emu]

The dangers of DIY renovations. I just had a book fall down on my head. I suppose I only have my shelf to blame.

[facthunter]

Merely a momentary stumble due to a great weight of Knowledge impressing you unexpectedly.. It's a lot to absorb in one hit. 

[Litespeed]

If you were doing a hand stand and it fell.....

 

You could be the suppository of all reason...

[red750]

Don't lose your audio book........you'll never hear the end of it.

[red750]

When one door opens, another door opens.  -   Boeing.

[red750]

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted:
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife.
“There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered. Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied.
“No, not this time!”

[facthunter]

The Boeing "thing" is funny for a while. Those in the know saw it coming easily 6+ years ago. So easy to throw away a reputation.. People will pay money for GOOD shoes but for some reason will hunt for the Absolute cheapest airfares. Crazy.  Nev

[ClintonB]

5 hours ago, facthunter said:

The Boeing "thing" is funny for a while. Those in the know saw it coming easily 6+ years ago. So easy to throw away a reputation.. People will pay money for GOOD shoes but for some reason will hunt for the Absolute cheapest airfares. Crazy.  Nev

A good fair price for a good service would be the balance we should seek, but greed and wanting to have the biggest share of market even at the expense of service( the airlines) seems to win out every time.

[red750]

Muffins spelt backwards is sniffum. Sounds about right.

[red750]

My luck is like a bald man who won a comb.

[red750]

They should make a beer called "Occasionally". then you could truthfully say "I drink occasionally".

[old man emu]

1 hour ago, red750 said:

My luck is like a bald man who won a comb.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

 

 

[facthunter]

Super KAZOOS are better and the Wry necked Fife.  Nev

[red750]

THE KITCHEN MAID – she gave birth on the internet

 

There was trouble at the station, for the word had got around,
That the Kitchen maid was pregnant and the culprit must be found.
Was it Harrison or Clancy, or perhaps the Chinese cook,
Whose defence I give verbatim: “Me do nothing, me just look!”

 

Early betting was on Harrison, although his hair was white,
For the country folk will tell you, that a grizzled dog can bite.
And Clancy of the Overflow, came in for mention too,
As the speculation mounted, and the accusations flew.

 

Till the Boss’s wife grew angry, and at last was moved to state,
There’s a resolution coming, I’d advise you all to wait.
When the maid’s child is delivered - and the day is surely nigh,
Then the issue will be settled, and we’ll see just who he’s by!

 

We will study frame and visage, and we’ll know without a doubt,
Whether station sire or stranger, for the truth will surely out.
We are practised in such matters, whether human, dog, or horse,
So just cease these allegations and let nature take its course.

 

And take its course, it surely did, the maid confined to bed,
Produced a healthy baby boy, just as the Missus said,
And close perusal of the lad, the strangest thing revealed,
His sire was never in the call - the roughie of the field!

 

The steel-blue eyes, the sandy hair, the legs already bent,
The rattle flourished like a whip, the clearest message sent.
And Clancy of the overflow, these features pointed out,
Till all agreed the culprit was, that bloody rouseabout!

 

He came from mountain country, up by Kosciusko’s side,
A skinny sawn-off little sod, one clearly born to ride.
In fact, he rode before he walked, he knew no other trade,
And so it was, this Snowy lad, had saddled up the maid!

 

And round the campfire every night, the ringers wondered why,
This Snowy River specimen, had caught the maiden’s eye,
And jubilation and regret, in equal measure weighed,
With those who’d tried and failed to win, the little Kitchen maid.

 

 

Author unknown

 

[red750]

Q.  What is propaganda?

 

A.  When an Eglishman takes a really close look at something.

[facthunter]

The Partner of a Propa goose. In  the Old days you could do a Recce of have a GEEK at something. Nev

[red750]

This one will have me thrown out.

 

I read about a guy who replaced his rooster with a drake. Now he gets up at the quack of dawn.

[old man emu]

50 minutes ago, red750 said:

Now he gets up at the quack of dawn.

So did Bobby Limb.

[red750]

A guy was rapt with the compliment he got on his parking. The note under his wiper said PARKING FINE.

[red750]

I'm past the "old enough to know better" stage. Now I'm on "Who gives a damn".

[facthunter]

I expected to be able to get away with just about anything when I got older and revered and considered WISE and my Jokes to be funny as, I suppose I could always go over to Pprune?

[onetrack]

You'd just get abused and shredded on Pprune as someone who knows nothing - because nearly every contributor on Pprune knows it all.