old man emu Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 Is a stud finder a suitable gift for a girl on her 18th birthday? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 2 hours ago, old man emu said: Is a stud finder a suitable gift for a girl on her 18th birthday? Now that's using your noggin. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 Studs are straight. Noggins go the other way. (Double entendre) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 I believe both, noggins & studs are straight. Not bent pieces ( warped ) of wood . spacesailor 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 2 hours ago, spacesailor said: I believe both, noggins & studs are straight. Not bent pieces ( warped ) of wood . spacesailor You've never been in a house built by my Dad then... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post old man emu Posted August 5 Popular Post Share Posted August 5 31 minutes ago, Marty_d said: You've never been in a house built by my Dad then... So he's the bastard the built my place! 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted August 6 Author Share Posted August 6 I orderd a book online called "How to run a scam." Paid for on my credit card. It's been 3 months now, and Austalia Post still haven't delivered it. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted August 7 Share Posted August 7 It's getting a bit warmer during the day around my way and the reptiles are coming out to bask in the sun. To day I saw a really big snake. I reckon it was 3.14 metres long. I'm sure it was a pi-thon. 1 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted August 7 Share Posted August 7 A waiter asks a bloke how he would like his steak cooked. He replied, '"Like winning an argument with my wife." The waiter replies, "Very rare it is then." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted August 11 Author Share Posted August 11 https://www.facebook.com/reel/1116871806082798 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted August 11 Author Share Posted August 11 Keith Richards was given a turtle for his birthday. "How long do they live?" he asked. "About 300 years." "That's why I don't like pets. You get attached to them, then they die." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted August 11 Share Posted August 11 Turtles PONG when they dry out. Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted August 12 Author Share Posted August 12 Bob, a 65-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, strolls into the Country Club with a stunning 25-year-old blonde by his side. Her beauty and charm leave everyone in the room speechless. She clings to Bob’s arm, hanging on his every word as if he’s the most fascinating man in the world. His buddies at the club are in shock. They pull him aside and ask, "Bob, how'd you land a girlfriend like that?" Bob grins and says, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" His friends are floored but can’t resist asking, "How on earth did you convince her to marry you?" Bob leans in with a sly smile and says, "I lied about my age." They nod knowingly. "Ah, you told her you were 50?" Bob chuckles and replies, "Nope, I told her I was 90." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 Poison works OK on Young people too.. Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 A guy rings his boss. "I'm sorry, I have to take some time off." The boss says "Why, what's the problem?" The guy says "My wife died suddenly last night." The boss says "Oh! I'm so sorry to hear that. Take as long as you need. How long do you think that might be?" The guy says "About eight and a half years with good behaviour." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClintonB Posted August 29 Share Posted August 29 My wife sent me this earlier in the week. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post red750 Posted August 29 Author Popular Post Share Posted August 29 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted September 3 Author Share Posted September 3 There's a guy on Facebook whose hobby is going to get him in trouble. He likes to take photos of signs which say "Photography Forbidden" or similar, around Defence establishments and the like. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted September 3 Author Share Posted September 3 SERVICE DOG. So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at the checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had., so I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, "I knew that. What type of service?" I said he was a BLD. But by now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, "A BLD. What is a BLD? " I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said "Butt Licking Dog?" I said "Yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders." The cashier completely lost it! . 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted September 3 Share Posted September 3 Great . Loved it . spacesailor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted September 8 Author Share Posted September 8 A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife, “Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Martha replied, "Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason." Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'" Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?" Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge." "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time." "Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted September 8 Author Share Posted September 8 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted September 8 Author Share Posted September 8 I had a date last night. It was perfect. Next week I'll have a grape. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted September 9 Author Share Posted September 9 A woman comes home with a very expensive looking ring on her finger. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the ring?" she said, "I shared a lottery ticket with the boss and we won a good prize so I bought the ring with my share." A few weeks later she comes home with a mink coat. "Where did you get that coat?' asked the husband. "The boss and I shared another win in the lottery.", she replied. Not that long after, she turns up in a Ferrari. "Don't tell me," said the husband, "another win in the lottery." "Yes," she said. She asked her husband to run her a bath. When she went to get into it, she saw that it only had one inch of water in it. "What's going on here?" she asked. Her husband said, "I didn't want to get your lottery ticket wet." 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted Wednesday at 06:04 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 06:04 AM 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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