Phil Perry Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Why does your mate call you The Donkey? Ee-aw, ee-aw, ee-always calls me that. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 Did you ever go into a display home, get the agent's business card, then ring the number and say "There's no paper in the toilet."? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 Some one liners for Mr Perry:- I for one; like Roman Numerals. There is a fine line between numerator and denominator. Only a fraction of people understand this. There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand Binary Notation and those who don’t. A thief stole my anti-depressants. I hope he’s happy now. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is similar. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know. I saw a robbery at an Apple store, the Police have me down as an iWitness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 Don’t use “beef stew” as a computer password. It’s not stroganoff. . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 As I suspected, someone has been secretly adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 When Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue atop Nelson's Column in London's Trafalgar Square, is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1. . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 When Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue atop Nelson's Column in London's Trafalgar Square, is 15 feet tall.That's Horatio of 3:1. . . . My mate from the pigeon racing club wants to know how many perches is that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted May 5, 2019 Share Posted May 5, 2019 Nelson is .303 perches. Perhaps that's how they chose the Lee Enfield calibre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 How many pigeons to a perch ?. spacesailor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 A brace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 A brace and a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 That's boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Back when I was a rock band guitar hero, I was having an after gig drink in the bar and was approached by two lovely ladies who asked if I fancied a 'Theesome' I said, no thanks. . . . I mean, If I wanted to disappoint TWO people at once,. . I'd go out to dinner with my parents. . .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Good job you rejected them Phil... offering you a "Thee-some" probably means they were planning to take you to a bible study... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 and Dog knows you need it.. Well spotted Marty. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Once went out with a homeless girl. Sadly it didn't work out as we could never go back to her place . . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Are you saying it was because she had a cardboard box? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 It may have been cardboard but at least she had a box. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I remember the PPRuNe joke about the airline captain having his bottle of Tabasco confiscated at the time of the liquids on planes panic and commenting that the authorities were obviously worried that if his FO brought a bottle of Worcestershire sauce on board, that they might be able to cook up a Condiment of Mass Destruction on the flight deck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I googled 'Welsh Pornography'. . . .and ended up on Ewe Tube. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I think it is hosted in New Zealand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 Careful boys or you might get Baa'ed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 I'm buggered! I've been working in my shed all day, but at the end of it I had turned this coffee table [ATTACH]50065._xfImport[/ATTACH] into this really nice looking pallet [ATTACH]50066._xfImport[/ATTACH] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 [ATTACH]50067._xfImport[/ATTACH] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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