Quickies part 2

[Phil Perry]

Why does your mate call you The Donkey?

 

Ee-aw, ee-aw, ee-always calls me that. . .

 

 

[red750]

Did you ever go into a display home, get the agent's business card, then ring the number and say "There's no paper in the toilet."?

 

 

[red750]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

 

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

 

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."

 

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

 

[red750]

Some one liners for Mr Perry:-

 

I for one; like Roman Numerals.

 

There is a fine line between numerator and denominator. Only a fraction of people understand this.

 

There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand Binary Notation and those who don’t.

 

A thief stole my anti-depressants. I hope he’s happy now.

 

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is similar.

 

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

 

I saw a robbery at an Apple store, the Police have me down as an iWitness.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Don’t use “beef stew” as a computer password.

 

It’s not stroganoff. . . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

As I suspected, someone has been secretly adding soil to my garden.

 

The plot thickens. . . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

When Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall.

 

His statue atop Nelson's Column in London's Trafalgar Square, is 15 feet tall.

 

That's Horatio of 3:1. . . .

 

 

[old man emu]

When Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue atop Nelson's Column in London's Trafalgar Square, is 15 feet tall.That's Horatio of 3:1. . . .

My mate from the pigeon racing club wants to know how many perches is that.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Nelson is .303 perches. Perhaps that's how they chose the Lee Enfield calibre.

 

 

[spacesailor]

How many pigeons to a perch ?.

 

spacesailor

 

 

[Marty_d]

A brace.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

A brace and a bit.

 

 

[nomadpete]

That's boring.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Back when I was a rock band guitar hero, I was having an after gig drink in the bar and was approached by two lovely ladies who asked if I fancied a 'Theesome'

 

I said, no thanks. . . .

 

I mean, If I wanted to disappoint TWO people at once,. . I'd go out to dinner with my parents. . ..

 

 

[Marty_d]

Good job you rejected them Phil... offering you a "Thee-some" probably means they were planning to take you to a bible study...

 

 

[facthunter]

and Dog knows you need it.. Well spotted Marty. Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Once went out with a homeless girl.

 

Sadly it didn't work out as we could never go back to her place . . . .

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Are you saying it was because she had a cardboard box?

 

 

[PA.]

It may have been cardboard but at least she had a box.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I remember the PPRuNe joke about the airline captain having his bottle of Tabasco confiscated at the time of the liquids on planes panic and commenting that the authorities were obviously worried that if his FO brought a bottle of Worcestershire sauce on board, that they might be able to cook up a Condiment of Mass Destruction on the flight deck.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I googled 'Welsh Pornography'. . . .and ended up on Ewe Tube. . .

 

 

[pmccarthy]

I think it is hosted in New Zealand.

 

 

[PA.]

Careful boys or you might get Baa'ed.

 

 

[old man emu]

I'm buggered! I've been working in my shed all day, but at the end of it I had turned this coffee table

 

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into this really nice looking pallet

 

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[pmccarthy]

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