Quickies part 2

[facthunter]

Try thinking about it. Everyone needs a new experience now and then .Nev

 

 

[red750]

Did you see the video of the guy behind the wheel of a Tesla and his passenger sound asleep as the car raced down the highway? The driver(?) looked like he has passed out the way he was slumped over.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Jokes for 2019 .. .

 

 

Man walks into a bar.

 

 

Bar man says what can I get you sir.

 

 

Trans gender community close the bar down the next day.

 

 

[facthunter]

 Phil....That's not a joke. It's propaganda.

 

  Premarital sex.  I thought that was the only kind.  (from what I hear)..Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Excellent, Phil. Now what this site needs is one of those robot voices that show you how to pronounce the word.

 

 

 

Hint :. . .the single letter 'S' is silent.

 

( Similat to the silent 'K' in RHUBARB )

 

 

[old man emu]

 

Hint :. . .( Similar to the silent 'K' in RHUBARB )

 

Or the "f" in TOMATOES

 

 

[pmccarthy]

I give up!

 

 

[facthunter]

  There was no "F" in onions. They were sold out.. Nev

 

 

[old man emu]

Rhubarb, rhubarb, harrumph, rhubarb

 

 

[red750]

I thought it was the P in swimming that was silent.

 

 

[facthunter]

Psychiatrist can have a silent "P" in the same circumstances, according to  a picture on a past Dentists wall. Nev

 

 

[PA.]

I was having a sneaky pee at the local pool. The Life Guard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I saw this bloke fall out of the church tower today.

 

I thought it was the vicar at first.

 

Then I realised. . . . it was just a dead ringer.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

"We're going to have to switch off your wife's life support," said the doc, "she's in a vegan state."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Don't you mean vegetative?" I asked.

 

"No, vegan," he replied, "if it was vegetative there'd at least be some hope."

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Phil Perry]

A Native American Chief had three wives, all of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

 

A few days later, the second gave birth also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

 

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two storey teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

 

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

 

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

 

[red750]

When people ask, "What did you do at the weekend?", I squint and say, "Why, what did you hear?"

 

 

[spacesailor]

When a little older.

 

I'll say "Please tell me".

 

spacesailor

 

 

[red750]

Paddy was a youthful and hardworking Irishman at a Coastal village in Ireland.

Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works.

He was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time.

Sadly, Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart.

One day he failed to come home, so his wife contacted the police to investigate him being missing.

They rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grapple full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard.

Headlines next day in the 'Irish Times Newspaper' said....................

 

.........

 

......

 

....　

Wait for it…….

 

OYSTERS KILPATRICK

 

 

[old man emu]

Red had been reading over Phil's shoulder again!

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Is it true that The only thing flat Earthers fear is sphere itself ?

 

 

[nomadpete]

But.... but.....

 

Phil, really? Everyone knows that the world really isn't a sphere!!!

 

It's an oblate spheroid.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

That’s a circular argument.

 

 

[Cosmick]

Don't worry about Flat Earthers, eventually they will come round.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

But.... but.....

 

Phil, really? Everyone knows that the world really isn't a sphere!!!

 

It's an oblate spheroid.

 

I've noticed that you're becoming a lot more argumentative oblate. . .

 

 

[nomadpete]

No I'm NOT !