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Quickies part 2


red750

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MORE BAD NEWS FROM CHINA

 

执 㝧 执 瑩 浻 牡 楧 㩮 㔱 硰执 㝧 执 獧 浻 牡 楧 敬瑦瀰絸 朣 杢 㑳 执 獧扻 捡杫潲湵潣 潬 㩲 昣 昸昸 㬸 慢正牧畯 摮椭慭 敧敷止瑩札慲楤 湥 楬 敮 牡氬晥 ⁴ 潴敬瑦戠瑯潴 牦 浯 㡦㡦㡦 潴捥捥捥戻 捡杫潲湵 浩条 㩥 眭 扥 楫楬 敮 牡札慲楤 湥 潴昣 昸昸 攣散散戻 捡杫潲湵 浩条 㩥 洭穯氭湩 慥牧摡 敩瑮琨灯 㡦㡦㡦 捥捥捥 㬩 慢正牧畯 摮椭慭 敧 獭氭湩 慥牧摡 敩 瑮琨灯 㡦㡦㡦 捥捥捥 㬩 慢正牧畯 摮椭慭 敧楬 敮 牡札慲楤 湥 潴昣 昸昸 攣散散戻 捡杫潲湵 浩 u 条 㩥 楬 敮 牡札慲楤 湥 潴昣 昸昸 攣散散 汩 整 㩲 牰 杯摩 䐺䥘 慭 敧 牔 湡 晳牯 楍 牣獯景牧摡 敩 瑮猨慴瑲 潃 潬卲牴昣 昸昸 䔬 摮潃 潬卲牴攣散散 㬩 潢 摲牥硰猠 汯摩 ⌠ 㙣㙣㙣 搻 獩汰 祡戺 潬正潭潢 摲牥 爭摡畩㩳瀲 㭸 漭 戭 牯 敤 慲楤獵㈺ 硰 敷止瑩 戭 牯 敤 慲楤獵㈺ 硰 戻牯 敤 慲楤獵㈺ 硰执 獧搴摻獩汰 祡戺 潬正 瀻 獯瑩 潩 㩮敲慬楴 敶执 獧搴筮楤 灳 慬 㩹 湩 楬 敮戭 潬正漻 敶晲 潬 朣 楢琴 执 㝧 执 瑩 浻 牡 楧 㩮 㔱 硰执 㝧执 獧 浻 牡 楧 敬瑦瀰絸 朣 杢 㑳 执 獧扻 捡杫潲湵潣 潬 㩲 昣 昸昸 㬸 慢正牧畯 摮椭慭 敧敷止瑩札慲楤 湥 楬 敮 牡氬晥 ⁴ 潴敬瑦戠瑯潴 牦 浯 㡦㡦㡦潴捥捥捥戻 捡杫潲湵 浩条 㩥 眭 扥 楫楬 敮 牡札慲楤 湥 潴昣 昸昸 攣散散戻 捡杫潲湵 浩条 㩥 洭穯氭湩 慥牧摡 敩 瑮琨灯 㡦㡦㡦 捥捥捥 㬩 慢正牧畯摮椭慭 敧 獭氭湩 慥牧摡 敩 瑮琨灯 㡦㡦㡦 捥捥捥 㬩 慢正牧畯 摮椭慭 敧楬 敮 牡札慲楤 湥 潴昣 昸昸 攣散散戻 捡杫潲湵 浩 u 条 㩥 楬 敮 牡札慲楤湥 潴昣 昸昸 攣散散 汩 整 㩲 牰 杯摩 䐺䥘 慭 敧 牔 湡 晳牯 楍 牣獯景牧摡 敩 瑮猨慴瑲 潃 潬卲牴昣 昸昸 䔬 摮潃 潬卲牴攣散散 㬩 潢 摲牥硰猠 汯摩 ⌠ 㙣㙣㙣 搻 獩汰 祡戺 潬正潭潢 摲牥 爭摡畩㩳瀲 㭸 漭 戭 牯 敤 慲楤獵㈺ 硰 敷止瑩 戭 牯 敤 慲楤獵㈺ 硰 戻牯 敤 慲楤獵㈺ 硰执 獧搴

 

 

If I hear anything else, I’ll let you know.

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Mrs Ravioli went to stay with her son Tony. That evening, Tony introduced his housemate, Maria.

 

Mrs Ravioli couldn't help notice how attractive Maria was, and as the evening progressed she could see the chemistry between Tony and Maria. Tony could see what she was thinking and said "No Ma, I know what you are thinking. Maria and I are just housemates."

 

A few days later, Mrs Ravioli went home. A week later, Maria said to Tony, "I don't want to alarm you, but ever since your mother went home, our silver sugar bowl has been missing."

 

Tony rang his mother and said, "I'm not saying you did and I'm not saying you didn't do it, but Maria says our sugar bowl has been missing since you left."

 

There was silence for a few minutes, then Mrs Ravioli said, "I'm not saying you are sleeping together, and I'm not saying you are not, but if Maria slept in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl a week ago."

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I went to the pub last night and saw an obese chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."

She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

 

Honestly, when you are over sixty, who really gives a shit?

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A man goes to the doctor, and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.

 

The doctor examines him, leaves the room, and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

 

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water, when you get up."

 

"Take the blue pill with a big glass of water, right after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill, with another big glass of water."

 

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammers, "Jeez doc, what's my problem, exactly?"

 

The Doc says, "You're not drinking enough water."

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Coronavirus is the best thing that could happen to a bloke!

 

The wife doesn't want to travel.

She doesn’t want to buy anything, because everything comes from China.

She doesn't want to go to the shopping centre for fear of being infected.

She spends all day and night with her mouth covered.

 

This is not a calamity! - it's a blessing!

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There were five passengers on a plane that was about to crash, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Pope Francis, Angela Merkel and a 10 year old schoolboy. Unfortunately there were only four parachutes on board. Donald Trump said. "I am the worlds smartest man. I must be saved to make America great again." He grabs a chute and jumps. Boris Johnson said,"I am needed to sort out Britain." He grabs a chute and jumps. Pope Francis said, "I must be saved, the world needs the Catholic Church." He too grabs a chute and jumps. Angela Merkel says to the schoolboy, "I've lived my life, you are just starting yours. You take the last parachute." The schoolboy said, "Don't worry, There are two parachutes left. The worlds smartest man took my schoolbag."

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Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients, and make your own meal. I have no idea how this place is still in business.

 

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

 

Holiday Dilemma: Still haven't decided yet, where to go for Easter? - the Lounge Room, or the Bedroom?

 

Going Out: I'm getting excited about going out - it's time to take out the rubbish bins. What should I wear?

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<snip>

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

 

 

That cracked me up...

 

<snip>

Going Out: I'm getting excited about going out - it's time to take out the rubbish bins. What should I wear?

 

 

It's funny because it's true: Australians Who Leave House Only To Take Out Trash Have Started Dressing In Costumes For The Occasion

 

(now you know where I get most of my silly picture material)

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