Quickies part 2

[facthunter]

So that keeps the house "in the family".  Nev

[onetrack]

So let me get this right. Your son who is obviously young, fit and able, moves into a fine family home in the suburbs of Sydney, while you, in your advancing and weakening years, moves into a shed in the country that needs to be made habitable. Is there something I'm missing here?

I have a mate who lives in a shed in a remote country region, quite distant from people and services, but it's because his wife shafted him when they divorced, and he never really recovered from it financially.

I don't own a house either, thanks to being shafted ruthlessly by a bank, and left virtually destitute - but I live in a nice house in the city thanks to the kindness of my defacto, who just happens to love me unconditionally, and who has a heart of gold. I think it must be terrible to get old and have your living quarters and conditions degrade to little more than being the living poor.

[old man emu]

17 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Is there something I'm missing here?

Yes. You are missing the background, which is not as dark as you paint it.

 

My wife and I have lived in rented homes since we lost our first home to the mid-80's interest rate explosion. With my wife's passing I found myself unable to meet the various financial demands of remaining in the present house. At the same time, my son's lease on his house was drawing to a close, and any other house he might lease would have an exorbitant rent. So, by moving into the house my wife and I occupied, he could house his family and be paying a lower rent. The house is also closer to my grandson's school which means that now he can walk there and arrangements don't need to be made to get him to and from it.

 

So where do I get to live. My sister has the building on her property. It hasn't been lived in for a few years, but it has all the necessary power and water connections. Sure it's in dire need of a good clean, and repairs/renovations, but I think that over the past year I have shown you blokes that I have the ability to turn this ugly duckling into a swan. My sister wants me to return to the family fold, and although my kids live far away, it is a place where they can bolster the links with family. My sister doesn't want any rent, but I have demanded that she accept a fair contribution from me for power and land rates. 

 

So, I'll be moving into a situation where my expenses will be dramatically reduced; I will have a project to keep me occupied for a while; I will be putting money into savings (thanks to my daughter the CPA overseeing my budget), and most of all I will be close to my wife's resting place.

 

The danger to you blokes is that, by being able to put some money aside, I'll be able to travel around at my leisure to places near and far. So one day, when you least expect it, you might be confronted at your front door by this 

 

[Marty_d]

I reckon you've got the better end of the deal OME - out of the rat race and into the countryside.

[Yenn]

Good for you OME it looks as if things are going the right way and there is nothing wrong with living in a shed. I did it while I built my house and the places I lived in in England were not as comfortable as an Aussie shed.

What you are really looking for is shade and insulation from Summer heat and warmth in Winter. not too hard to find, especially from a Mr Fixit as you appear to be.

[facthunter]

There are places you wouldn't house a dog in that you tolerate for holidays etc. A lot of the clutter we have around us is not necessary especially when you consider what total effort has gone into a house just like all the ones around it where people are really SAD in so many ways. . IF OME can  escape from all that $#!T he's achieved some thing that eludes most of us. Nev

[onetrack]

Your surroundings are as important as your house. If I won Lotto and had a limitless choice in housing and location, it would be a green and leafy spot with plenty of room around it, and no close neighbours.

I'm always amazed at how many expensive houses have such crappy locations - high traffic volumes with the associated fumes, a view of only brick walls or a thousand ugly roofs, nary a tree on the block and greenery limited to a few pot plants. I used to enjoy living in the Wheatbelt and Goldfields of W.A., particularly amongst the bigger trees. But the climate is more favourable near the coast.

 

Now I live about 20kms inland, only 5kms from the CBD, in what is reputedly a "desirable" inner-city suburb, with reasonable-sized blocks (about 560-1000 sq m), a minimum level of "infill" (houses built behind houses) - but the encroachment of development and the constant push for "increased density" never goes away and the developers are always slavering at any opportunity to do more subdivision.

 

As it stands, I live on a 560 sq m block, with a 3BR, 1 bathroom double brick and tile house that was built in 1957, and is in good condtion - but the beauty of this block is the established garden and big trees.

My better half loves her greenery and gardening and it makes a big difference having something green and restful to look out on. The office has a big picture window that overlooks the back yard and we have a big birdbath only about 2.5 metres from the window, and it's great to watch the honeyeaters and other birds drinking and bathing in the birdbath.

We have the Red Wattlebird here, the biggest of the honeyeaters, they're quite raucous, but extremely efficient at cleaning up the insects, as well as sipping nectar. The New Holland honeyeaters are quite often out in force as well, with whole families sometimes making a huge racket as they all bath together, 6 or 8 at a time.

[red750]

A policeman was  rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.. The doctors  operated and advised him that all was well, however, the policeman kept feeling  something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it  might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally  got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what  was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across  his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the  kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.

 

Written on the tape  in large black letters was the sentence, "get well soon,  from the nurse in the Ford Focus you gave a speeding ticket to last  week."

 

Kind of brings  tears to your eyes doesn't it? 

[facthunter]

I reckon I chased OME  on a track in the Grampians about 1972. I clocked him at 45 MPH .before He tore off into the thickets. Nev

[nomadpete]

On foot?

[old man emu]

5 hours ago, facthunter said:

I reckon I chased OME  on a track in the Grampians about 1972. I clocked him at 45 MPH .before He tore off into the thickets. Nev

You Bast...d! How could I forget? I'm still pulling blackberry thorns out of my shins.

[nomadpete]

Dem emus can sure run fast! I once clocked one at 45 mph across scrubby country (trying to take a picture of 'im. But tha buggah still got away.

[old man emu]

An average adult emu weighs 35 kgs. 45 mph is 20 metres per second. At that speed it has a Kinetic Energy of 1750 Joules. 

 

So, what is a Joule?  A Joule is is equal to the work done by a force of one Newton acting through one metre for one second. You know what a metre and a second are because you have practical experience of them, but what is a practical description of a Newton?

 

 

So now you have an idea of what a Newton is. Now here is an explanation of what a Joule is:

 

 

 

So, an emu running at 45 mph (20 meres/second) has an energy content of 1750 Joules. If that energy was applied to the left side of a Toyota Kruger

 it could move it one metre to the right.

[old man emu]

Some may remember a wee discussion carried on in another place some time ago. While researching the above post, I came across this good explanation of the difference between mass and weight.

🍖

[Old Koreelah]

21 hours ago, facthunter said:

…A lot of the clutter we have around us is not necessary especially when you consider what total effort has gone into a house just like all the ones around it where people are really SAD in so many ways. ..

So true, Nev. Forty years in the one house accumates too much stuff that’s too good to throw out (parents raised during the Great Depression…).

 

I’m nearly finished building our camper and the aspect that most excites me is it’s simplicity.
When we are getting away from it all, why bring it all with us?

[old man emu]

1 hour ago, Old Koreelah said:

Forty years in the one house accumulates too much stuff that’s too good to throw out

Forty years in one marriage accumulates lots, too.  I couldn't calculate the amount spent on unworn clothing over the past ten years. Even if I sell it a less than $5 per item, I'll get well over $1000. Then there's the cutlery,  crockery and glassware. Not to mention the towels and linen.  I'm 50-50 on the Tupperware, but there's not loads of it. All I'll need is a set of saucepans, a 4-place dinner set, a few coffee mugs and a couple of glasses; a couple of towels and a change of bed linen.

 

But don't try to dump those offcuts of wood and steel, and that funny, wiggly thing that looks like wigwam for a goose's bridle. I might use them one day.

[onetrack]

Every bloke who's handy with his hands needs a good scrap pile of "useful bits and pieces". Lengths of wood and steel are critical items in the scrap pile, along with various lengths and thicknesses of electrical wire and cable, plus various containers of fasteners of all types and sizes. If there's one thing that bugs a bloke, it's not being able to lay ones hand on a suitable piece of repair material when it's urgently needed. The alternative of going to Bunnings doesn't bear thinking about, because they charge $3 for a little packet containing about 10 screws!

[red750]

Procrastinate now - don't put it off!

[old man emu]

2 hours ago, red750 said:

Procrastinate now - don't put it off!

That's rather a cras exhortation.

 

crastinus, belonging to tomorrow, from cras "tomorrow,"

[Jerry_Atrick]

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

Every bloke who's handy with his hands needs a good scrap pile of "useful bits and pieces". Lengths of wood and steel are critical items in the scrap pile, along with various lengths and thicknesses of electrical wire and cable, plus various containers of fasteners of all types and sizes. If there's one thing that bugs a bloke, it's not being able to lay ones hand on a suitable piece of repair material when it's urgently needed. The alternative of going to Bunnings doesn't bear thinking about, because they charge $3 for a little packet containing about 10 screws!

Even us handy hands challenged need a good scrap pile (usually caused with perfectly good materials while trying to do something useful - that became useless).. We need something to ogle, admire, and call, art...

Edited February 4, 2022 by Jerry_Atrick

[red750]

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.

It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly a mathematical viewpoint  and it goes like this:

 

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100% how about achieving 103%?                  

What makes up 100% in life?

 

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: 
A B C D E F G H I J  K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 

Is  represented as: 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14  15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. 

Then:  
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =  98%

And  
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E  
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%  

But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E  
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =  100%  

Also,  
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T  
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =  103%  

And, look how far ass kissing will take you. 

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7  =118%  

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that

Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, but

 Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.  

Now you  know why Politicians are where they  are!            
 

[red750]

Cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

 He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you"

 She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

 Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

 She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

 The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

 "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

 The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a ho*oker blush.

 But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

 "My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

 "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[red750]

Dad joke ... (groan).

 

 

A man was charged with bigamy.

 

The judge said, "You can't have your Kate and Edith too."

[facthunter]

You'd have to be a sado-masochist to have more than ONE wife (at a time). OR you are trying to PROVE something like you are wealthy.?  People buy LUXURY cars for that.  THAT proves you can afford to keep them in the way they wish to become accustomed to .Nev

[old man emu]

Improper influence

It is an offence punishable by fine or imprisonment to seek to influence improperly members of a Redistribution Committee, members of an augmented Electoral Commission or a Redistribution Commissioner in the performance of their duties.

 

In 1978 a Minister’s appointment was terminated following a finding by a Royal Commissioner that the Minister’s action in seeking to influence Distribution Commissioners in relation to names of electoral divisions had constituted impropriety. That's not the same as gerrymandering.

 

In representative democracies, Gerrymandering  refers to political manipulation of electoral district boundaries with the intent of creating undue advantage for a party, group, or socio-economic class within the constituency.