Quickies part 2

[facthunter]

It gets degraded IF there's a COMMON denominator.  Nev

[red750]

You're such a loser. If there was a contest for losers, you'd come second.

 

Why am I not first?

 

Because you're a loser.

[red750]

One of the funniest comedians in Australia.

 

https://www.facebook.com/reel/528623602698385

[old man emu]

4 hours ago, red750 said:

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

I was going to reply to this earlier, but I couldn't see the keyboard without my gladded.

[spacesailor]

You should Always tap your head first , for missing glasses , ( absolute marvel that we can't feel them ) .

spacesailor

[red750]

[Old Koreelah]

I don’t need to install one of those hooks- I already have a quite handy Neanderthal brow ridge!

[old man emu]

9 minutes ago, Old Koreelah said:

I don’t need to install one of those hooks- I already have a quite handy Neanderthal brow ridge!

Changing your screen name to Gronk???

[red750]

Fred gets home late one night and his wife,
Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?”
“I was out getting a tattoo,” Fred replied.
“A tattoo?” she frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my privates,” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain.
“Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow,” said Fred.
“Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
“Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
“And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”

[red750]

A man calls his wife from work: “Honey, my boss has asked me to go fishing with him for the weekend! This is a great chance to get in his favour, would you mind packing my bag so I can pick it up before we leave?”

“Sure,” she says.

So she packs for him and he leaves for the weekend. When he comes back, she asks him how his trip was and how many fish he caught.

“Fantastic, we caught trout, salmon and even a swordfish. The only problem was you forgot to pack my pyjamas,” he says.

“No I didn’t,” she says. “I packed them in your tackle box.”

[willedoo]

Took me a while to get that one.

[red750]

HONEYMOON....
A  young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel  where they were spending the first night of their  honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began  undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his  new wife asked,

"What's wrong with your feet? Your toes  look all mangled and weird.

"I  had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No,  tolio.   The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took  off his pants, his bride once again asked

"What's  wrong with your knees?  They're all lumpy and deformed!" 

"As a child, I also  had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?"  she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was  a strange illness that only affected my  knees." 

The new bride had to  be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing  continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she  said.

"Let me guess... 

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Smallcox!

[facthunter]

Another argument for TRY before you BUY. Nev

[Jerry_Atrick]

Plenty of ex demo models around

[Marty_d]

Heard a good one on the show I'm currently watching ("A girl and an astronaut") - one girl to another,  after drinking with a  F-16 pilot...

 

"What's the difference between a pig and a pilot?

After 4 beers,  a pig doesn't turn into a pilot!"

[facthunter]

It's said if a girl falls in love with an Italian Boy they will have that, at least, in common.  AND THAT F-16 pilot must not have been American, Nev

[red750]

What is the definition of Pronoun.

 

A pronoun gets paid to do what a normal noun does for free.

[Marty_d]

9 hours ago, facthunter said:

It's said if a girl falls in love with an Italian Boy they will have that, at least, in common.  AND THAT F-16 pilot must not have been American, Nev

Polish show. Not bad so far.

[Marty_d]

18 minutes ago, red750 said:

What is the definition of Pronoun.

 

A pronoun gets paid to do what a normal noun does for free.

A proper noun wouldn't be seen with a pronoun then?

[old man emu]

1 hour ago, Marty_d said:

A proper noun wouldn't be seen with a pronoun then?

Not without a conjunction.

 

However the pronoun relating to God is the capitalised He. But seeing as there is only one God, He can never be seen with God.

[Jerry_Atrick]

Dog, jeebus, an mo... three of 'em

 

Ok, Mo is a profit

 

(Typo intentional or is that international)

[facthunter]

UNINTERNATIONAL.  Nev

[red750]

I'd like to thank the person who explained the word 'plethora' to me.

 

It means a lot.

[red750]

A husband asked his wife if he was the only one she’d ever been with.
She considered this and replied, “Yes. The rest were all sevens or eights.”

[red750]

They say that make-up sex is the best.
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.