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Quickies part 2


red750

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Fred gets home late one night and his wife,
Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?”
“I was out getting a tattoo,” Fred replied.
“A tattoo?” she frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my privates,” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain.
“Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow,” said Fred.
“Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
“Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
“And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”

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A man calls his wife from work: “Honey, my boss has asked me to go fishing with him for the weekend! This is a great chance to get in his favour, would you mind packing my bag so I can pick it up before we leave?”

“Sure,” she says.

So she packs for him and he leaves for the weekend. When he comes back, she asks him how his trip was and how many fish he caught.

“Fantastic, we caught trout, salmon and even a swordfish. The only problem was you forgot to pack my pyjamas,” he says.

“No I didn’t,” she says. “I packed them in your tackle box.”

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HONEYMOON....
A  young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel  where they were spending the first night of their  honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began  undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his  new wife asked,

"What's wrong with your feet? Your toes  look all mangled and weird.

"I  had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No,  tolio.   The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took  off his pants, his bride once again asked

"What's  wrong with your knees?  They're all lumpy and deformed!" 

"As a child, I also  had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?"  she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was  a strange illness that only affected my  knees." 

The new bride had to  be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing  continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she  said.

"Let me guess... 

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Smallcox!

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