red750 Posted October 9, 2018 Author Share Posted October 9, 2018 How come Tarzan was clean shaven? OK. I have too much time on my hands.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Much more to do at Abergavenny. The biggest thing at the other place is the sign on the railway station. Ahh! Abergavenny, where a red dog can run free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 How come Tarzan was clean shaven? OK. I have too much time on my hands.... Because he shaved. From "Tarzan of the Apes"... "True, he had seen pictures in his books of men with great masses of hair upon lip and cheek and chin, but, nevertheless, Tarzan was afraid. Almost daily he whetted his keen knife and scraped and whittled at his young beard to eradicate this degrading emblem of apehood. And so he learned to shave–rudely and painfully, it is true–but, nevertheless, effectively." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 The man who invented PIN numbers and ATM machines died. May he RIP in peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Double intended? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted October 13, 2018 Author Share Posted October 13, 2018 I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, standing beside me. I gave her a loving smile, and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing 3 cartons of beer for the price of 2!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David2ayo Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Transparent coffins.Will they be popular? Remains to be seen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Better than having skeletons in your cupboard. In the Sistine chapel there's a mummified Pope on view. Looks as though he's seen better days. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 And on the other side of the Iron Curtain: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Looks better than the Pope. Non believer 8, Pope 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 And on the other side of the Iron Curtain: Now THAT's living it up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Tail of mouse. Eye of cat. Head of newt and wing of bat. Tongue of toad. Ear of dog. Skin of snake and leg of frog. > > No..it's not a witches' potion, it's the reasons the council shut down our local kebab shop . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Darn. I thought it was a recipe to make a politician Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Darn. I thought it was a recipe to make a politician It was missing the main ingredient... Sh!t of Bull. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 And Wind of p!ss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of peanuts in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of peanuts and orders a beer. The bowl of peanuts then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the man says to the bartender "Hey, what the hell's going on ?, this bowl of peanuts keeps saying nice things to me!" Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the peanuts are complimentary." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 (On a not dissimilar theme. . .) My boss said “Why is that every payday you come out in a rash?” “Because I’m allergic to peanuts” I said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Had a power cut & laptop TV & Playstation plus all amateur radio gear shut down immediately. So I had to talk to my family for a few hours. Seem like friendly people . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted October 20, 2018 Author Share Posted October 20, 2018 A couple of pointers for a man about to get married. 1. You are not allowed to make a mistake. 2. Everything you do will be a mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 3. Every mistake you make will be recorded and used against you at a future date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 3. Every mistake you make will be recorded and used against you at a future date. Bah, you're thinking of marriage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 4. The male perpetrator of a mistake does not have the protection of the legal concept of "autrefois convict" A plea of "autrefois convict" ("previously convicted") is one in which the defendant claims to have been previously convicted of the same offence and that he therefore cannot be tried for it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 Bah, you're thinking of marriage Pete, read my post containing points 1 & 2. PA just didn't quote it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 Doh! Quite so. Put it down to a senior moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 Besides, my wife distracted me while i was posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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