Quickies part 2

[red750]

Senility I think.

[onetrack]

Curiosities1.pps

[Jerry_Atrick]

Yeah. I did glance at my thumb rather depressed..

 

But, given my girth. and all that extra skin, I must have a huge brain.. (not necessarily filled with anything, though).

[facthunter]

For PmC. The increased acidity is  affecting hard shelled creatures..  Nev

[old man emu]

I thought about making a joke about salt. Then I thought Na, I'd get claw-eyed by Red.

[pmccarthy]

3 hours ago, facthunter said:

For PmC. The increased acidity is  affecting hard shelled creatures..  Nev

I'm sure we both mean the same thing. pH ranges from 0 to 14, with 7 being neutral. pHs less than 7 are acidic while pHs greater than 7 are alkaline (basic). So seawater is basic and could never, given the chemistry of eroding rocks and existing reefs, become acidic. You say it is becoming acidic - the data may suggest it could become less alkaline, I don't know.

[facthunter]

The change is not much (.1% but the  sea has absorbed a lot of carbon dioxide  up to this point and there's a lot of sea Yes there's plenty of calcium carbonate around. Look what acidity has done to the Marble in Venice. Some of that is due to Industrial pollution  from the NW. That change (top line) is enough to affect the  survivability of Plankton and lobsters crabs  coral etc.   Nev

[red750]

An elderly lady calls her doctor.

 

"Is it true that I have to take these pills you prescribed for the rest of my life?"

 

"I'm afraid so." said the doctor.

 

"Well how serious is this condition, because the prescription says 'No repeats'?"

[red750]

I asked my wife why she married me.

 

"Because you are funny." she replied.

 

I said, "I thought it was because I as good in bed."

 

She chuckled and said, "See, you're hilarious."

[red750]

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

 

One is white, plastic and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other one.

[Marty_d]

That must be a bit old. He's been dead for a while so not much threat to anyone.

[Jerry_Atrick]

Just left some with PTSD I would guess

[red750]

Wife:  "I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving."

 

Husband: "Anyone who fits your clothes is not starving."

[red750]

Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom.
“Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!”
The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?

[red750]

A man read in a newspaper that a gorgeous model married a boxer of low IQ.

 

He said to his wife, "It's amazing how such dumb men get such beautiful wives."

 

She replied, "Why, thank you, dear."

[red750]

How do you know when you run out of invisible ink???

[facthunter]

Your printer comes up with it. .    Nev

[red750]

I swallowed invisible ink. Now I'm in emergency waiting to be seen.

[onetrack]

It's alright, the nursing staff will be able to find you with a UV black light.

[spacesailor]

I thought ,

" just follow the ' rectal thermometer " . LoL

spacesailor

 

 

[red750]

Waiter: "I see you have an empty glass sir. Would you like another?"

 

Drinker: "What would I do with another empty glass?"

[nomadpete]

2 hours ago, red750 said:

Waiter: "I see you have an empty glass sir. Would you like another?"

 

Drinker: "What would I do with another empty glass?"

That's one for the Grammar Police.

[Marty_d]

Little kid can't sleep one night and goes to his parent's bedroom.

Opening the door, he's confronted by the sight of his parents in the missionary position, going for it.

His dad looks up and says "It's ok Jimmy, this is how Daddy and Mummy make babies.  Would you like a little brother or a little sister?"

Jimmy yells "Neither! Flip her over, Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!!"

[facthunter]

The reality of the empty glass response is in the realm of the  Very  Very UNLIKELY. Nev

[red750]

4 hours ago, nomadpete said:

That's one for the Grammar Police.

???