For Pun Lovers

red750 · August 9, 2018

For Pun Lovers... smiles for the day.

SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:

"We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you."

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:

"Blind man driving."

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck:

"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels!"

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blow out."

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action."

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:

“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.

However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted."

In a restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait..."

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank Heaven for little grills."

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

And the best one for last:

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises."

red750 · August 18, 2018

I had the choice of here or Silly Signs. Some are more clever than silly.

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red750 · August 18, 2018

The next batch.

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red750 · August 18, 2018

And the last batch.

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red750 · February 1, 2021

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.

I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favourite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

Need an ark? I Noah guy.

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.

......(If only Phil was around. He'd enjoy those.)